Lentil Day

I had my appointment with the naturopath yesterday. She told me she can help with my egg production and quality. G-d knows it what I need right now. I've decided to wait a couple of months before I do another round of IVF to make this worthwhile.

We chatted, she asked questions...lots of questions, she looked into my eyes, caringly, not lovingly...she also practices iridology. She told me my iron is low and I'm not eating enough protein, which is needed for egg production. I left with a swag of vitamin supplements and a new eating regime.

I don't eat early breakfast. Never have. I can't eat before 10am. I now have to eat protein for each meal (three times a day) and must eat protein by 8am. Because I don't eat nuts, I have to eat an egg or veggie soup first thing in the morning. I also have to graze in between meals. This is way more food than I'm used to and am wondering where it's all going to fit - in my stomach, but I'm going to follow it because it can only improve my chances.

Today was day one. I had one egg in my fridge, which I managed to drop on the floor, (not happy, Jan) so I ate a piece of toast with cheese and took my handful of capsules.

She said I can still have my one soy latte every day. Thank goodness.

For lunch I bought a lentil soup from the health food store. And for dinner, more lentils!!! Not really sure why today was lentil day, but tomorrow I think I'll give them a wide berth...

For someone who doesn't eat a lot of meat, they are a savior because they have nearly as much protein as red meat and I feel better for eating them.

This was not the most thrilling blog post, but I wanted to keep you updated.
The next one will be more fun...

N x

Donor Baby

I've been a bit slack...very slack, actually the past two weeks. I've ignored my blog...but I have been very present on Twitter!!! I'm usually great at multitasking. I can watch Masterchef or Glee or Modern Family (one of the wittiest shows ever) and Tweet about them, whilst cooking dinner and, in turn eating said dinner. What I'm unable to achieve, clearly, has been posting on my blog and for that, dear Reader, I apologize.

I spent a few days up the coast, after I found out I wasn't pregnant. I hung out with friends, went for long walks on the beach and ate a lot of vegetarian food and read a fun, perfect-for-vacation book...After the Fall, by Kylie Ladd. It's a great book and there's at least one character that every reader can relate to. The weekend was cathartic.

Now I'm back and have decisions to make...

I saw the Doctor on Tuesday. He told me I can try another IVF cycle or I can think about donor eggs. After three cycles, I've had one viable egg each time, which, whilst better than NO EGG, is not great. Especially as they've all been BFN's...it's "trying to conceive" lingo for BIG FAT NEGATIVE. For the girls who have more than one mature egg and can have them fertilized and frozen, even if one pregnancy doesn't work, they have embryos that can be used. This means they don't have to go through the whole injection/ovulation/ultrasound process, which, in turn, also means they don't have to have another anesthetic for egg collection.

My other option is using an egg donor and unless I have a family member or friend under 35, who is willing to donate, this process is not available in Australia. Shocked? Yeah, no, me either. The clinic has affiliations with clinics overseas where it IS legal to use donor eggs. These are in Greece, Barcelona, South Africa and the US. The cost ranges from $5000 to $50,000...depending on the country of choice.

While going to NY would be easiest for me and more cost effective re accommodation and I catching up with friends, the IVF cycle would cost me $50K. One day the US will bring in Socialized medicine.

Friends have asked whether getting pregnant using a donor egg and donor sperm is worth it and isn't it easier then to just adopt? There is no "just adopt" for me. I'm single, I can't adopt (another fabulous Australian law). The donors have been screened, as opposed to the biological mothers of the babies who are put up for adoption, who, could be drug addicts, or sexually abused women who don't want to keep their babies. I've heard stories, from close friends who have friends with adopted children. Two of whom had drug addict birth mothers and both kids have major behavioral problems.

I keep saying, I want to be pregnant. Using donor eggs affords me that. The Doctor also told me I have a higher chance of conceiving because the eggs are younger.

What I've decided is to give IVF one last try. I'm going all out though. I'm seeing my naturopath tomorrow. On the phone, she told me she can help boost my egg quality but it's going to take a few months. I have nothing to lose by doing this.

Will update after my appointment tomorrow...

N x

Fuck Fuckity Fuck

Blood test this morning + period this morning = not pregnant

Things People Say

While I'm on this emotional roller coaster, I need positive people around me who sprout positive affirmations and only say positive things. Even if they don't 100% believe it themselves.

The female members of my family, both of them, are incredibly supportive...my brothers don't not want to hear, but neither would ask or bring it up and my Dad still puts his fingers in his ears and goes lalalalalalala whenever anything IVF is brought up. They are not negative though and will be happy when I can finally tell them I'm pregnant.

All my friends are supportive, but there are some, who, say something inappropriate, without realizing it, after asking how I'm feeling and where in the IVF cycle I'm up to. Take, for instance, this week. Although I say I'm anxious but still being really positive, someone will say

"well, if it doesn't work this time, you can try again" or

"It will happen, even if it's not this time" or, the one I hate the most

"have you considered adopting?"

I'm not up to that. I'm being positive and, as all my Twitter friends know #thisembryowillbemybaby. Plus, as a single girl, I can't adopt, so there.

My response is usually to say "I'm taking one day at a time."

A select few who have no fucking idea (sorry friends), STILL insist on talking about adoption, or how many more times I'm planning on doing IVF. It happened last week and in the end, I had to change the subject.

ARGH

My blood test is Wednesday. I'm tempted to turn up tomorrow for it...

Red Flags

I don't want to give too much air time to this because the person involved doesn't really deserve much more of my energy...hi, *waves* at Janelle.

I do, however, need to put in writing how she has made me feel. Not just me, a lot of my friends also, but many of them have their own blogs and have written their own words. Sass posted here and here, Bernadette said her piece here, Taryn blogged and Thea vented (sorry if I've missed anyone).

This skanky, lying, conning bitch sucked us into believing she had stage IV melanoma that had spread to her bones AND her brain. I "met" her on Twitter, we all met her there, just after she'd come out of a coma (which we came to find out was part of the big, fat lie). We all felt SO terrible for her. She didn't seem to have many real life friends and we helped her get through her days going to the hospital and having chemo, the aftermath of the treatment, the memory loss and the list goes on...

Then, she meets a Dr who becomes her girlfriend. Great, we all think, well, I did, because she'll now have closer emotional support and has someone to stay with her, who actually knows how to deal with cancer patients.

She then told us she had seen a prominent Sydney neurosurgeon who could remove her brain tumor. The surgery would cost $30,000, which she'd made known, she was unable to afford and was subtly asking for the money. We felt for her, she was gravely ill.

We couldn't have been more wrong. The story unraveled last weekend and blew up over the following days.

EVERYTHING SHE'D TOLD US WAS A LIE. There was no coma, no cancer, no girlfriend- she actually pretended to be her, made up a new online profile and they had conversations.

She's not answered anyone's phone calls, texts or emails, her blogs are now password protected and she's been kicked off FaceBook because we reported her. Her silence speaks volumes.

I have to say, I started seeing red flags a few weeks ago. I couldn't understand how she was allowed to leave the hospital alone and drive after each chemo treatment. She kept telling us how her memory was shot, but she could drive herself from A to B, no problem. She told us she couldn't keep any food down, but seemed to not be losing weight (she's not a small framed person). She began meeting her cyber friends in real life and pictures were posted. She had all her hair, she seemed happy and healthy, not pale and sickly.

This was her undoing.

All she wanted was real friends. But these people are intelligent human beings. We started putting two and two together and came up with a SKANKY LYING CONNING BITCH who has disappeared because now she's scared and alone and is going to have to run away because now the police have been contacted and journalists know about her.

She made me feel betrayed and angry, not only at her, but at myself for being sucked in. You see, I've been conned before. A few years ago. Out of a lot of money, more than this con artist was looking for, and it's made me wary of people. Because she had cancer, I didn't want to be the one to raise the alarm, so I kept my mouth closed. I found out later, so did other people.

She's the classic con woman...has a sob story that's dragged out, then must come up with a sum of money that's out of her depth and subtly asks all her friends for it. Thankfully, the only cash she received was a few hundred dollars from someone, but it could have been thousands.

It just goes to show, be careful what you wish for, Janelle, you skanky, lying bitch.

*I've been asked to disclose her full name so everyone can know about her...Janelle Mclean (or that's what she told us, anyway). On Twitter, she was known as @akicktotheneck and @akickintolife.

**I also want to add this...Who pretends they have a terminal illness? Not a friend, that's for damn sure.

N x

Levels

I should have blogged yesterday, but, as you'll read in the following post, I've had a shitty couple of days because of a girl who is a fraud.

I'll tell you about her after, first, me...I had a blood test yesterday to check my progesterone levels. I asked the nurse what a good level would be. She said they look for levels over 30. I would find out when I called at 2.00pm.

All morning my mantra was "my progesterone is over 30".

My progesterone level, when I called is ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY. Yup. A lot higher than expected. This is AWESOME.

Next Wednesday is my pregnancy blood test.

this embryo is going to be my baby

this embryo is going to be my baby

this embryo is going to be my baby

I had a late night last night and am going to bed now. I'll post about the lying bitch tomorrow. I will. I promise. I'm also trying to get my head around what I want to say.

N x