Wednesday, March 26, 2008

ummm wow

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Sunday was spent in NY. I had my legs waxed (bet you wanted to know that) and ended up having lunch with my ex husband. It's funny how now I've started telling the guys in my life, just how many have offered their services. Over lunch, which was WAY longer than either of us expected, due to slow service, he asked me whether I still want children. Of course I do, I said, and actually, now you ask, I'm looking at sperm banks. He was taken a back and didn't quite know how to respond. After he'd processed my news, he made me an offer....he would give me his sperm as long as I move back to Australia to be with my family. It was a gracious offer, and thanks but no thank you. He feels badly that he never gave me a child, and now wants to rectify it, so really this is about him redeeming himself. This is not about him, so again, no thank you.

On Monday I went to the fertility clinic for my first blood test. It was a genetic test...I'm Jewish, so I have to be checked for all the Ashkenazi diseases including Tay Sachs. I have to go back next week on the first to third day of my next period for another blood drawing.

Tuesday was interesting to say the least...there's a guy who I have a strange relationship with. He and I have this amazing chemistry. We dated for a while, but something happened and now we don't, but we still keep in touch via email, almost every day. He'd put it out there that he'd come to CT to see me, so I took him up on his offer and invited him for dinner. I hadn't seen him since October, it's now March...he hadn't changed.

Anyway, after catching up on his life, he asked what's new with me. It just so happened all the reading material from the cryobank and fertility clinic was on my coffee table, so I leaned over, picked up the folder and handed it to him. He opened it and his jaw fell to the floor. After he'd composed himself, we talked about it and he also offered, except I would jump at the chance to take HIM up on it.
I know him too well though and emailed him the next day asking whether he was freaking out. He had left my place at 5am. Of course he was freaking out, he said, but he was trying to work through it blah blah. There have been emails back and forth since then, and I told him that I'm going through with this with or without him (although I'm secretly hoping...) and that I'm starting NOW.

I got my period on Saturday and went to the Dr first thing Monday morning. Had to have a blood test and ultrasound. I also was given an Rx for Clomid which I had filled and am now taking....two a day for 5 days. Unfortunately, I have the side effect's not fun, but if the drug helps get me pregnant, I can cope.

Had a bit of anxiety today....again, I think from the Clomid. I also had an epiphany this evening as to why I'm suddenly so anxious...I'm looking at having a baby with sperm from a guy I've not only never met, but will most probably never meet. This from a girl who has NEVER even had a one night stand....ARGH

No comments:

Post a Comment