Sunday, October 31, 2010

The Universe Hates Me

Sunday, October 31, 2010

or has some other path for me. If it's the latter, I'd really appreciate being shown what it is because this being not pregnant thing is doing my head in.

I know I've jumped to the end of the past few weeks, so now I'll rewind and fill in the gap since my last post.
I went to NY for a couple of weeks. I needed a reset and wanted to catch up with my friends, one of whom offered for me to stay at her place, which I accepted!
So, I spent ten fun-filled days playing, shopping and eating in my favorite city and three days in Santa Monica with another girl friend doing more fun stuff. I had timed this vacation to my period...the day it arrived, I left, so I would arrive in Sydney early Saturday morning and would have time to go home, shower and get to the fertility clinic for my blood test.
Everything went to plan. This was the cycle that was going to work. I'd been taking A LOT of supplements given to me by my naturopath, I'd been eating well and was feeling great. I'd had ALL the tests, including the NK Cell test and everything was negative, or positive...whichever was the right way for said test.
You all know the drill for the two weeks. I don't want to bore you with the day by day hormone shots, blood tests, ultra sounds, phone calls...
Fast forward to the egg harvesting where the Doctor collected five eggs, two of which were mature enough to fertilize. One divided, the other was null and void. So I had one embryo implanted.
Fingers crossed.
One week later, was my progesterone blood test. The results of which were very favorable. All the nurses thought I was pregnant because my progesterone was so high.
The following week was my pregnancy blood test. This, as you know, I've never yet made it to without getting my period first. I DID, I made it. Last Monday was THE DAY. I had the test in the morning and had to wait, like always, until 2.00pm to make the phone call. I was sure, well, I hoped that the voice on the other end of the phone was going to tell me I was pregnant. I knew as soon as the nurse said hello to me that it wasn't good.
She told me I wasn't pregnant and how sorry she was and did I want counselling. I didn't know what I wanted...well, I did...I wanted her to tell me she was looking at someone else's file and I WAS actually pregnant, but that didn't happen.
One thing that has never been tested is my thyroid. Never, not once in these two and a half years, with doctors in two different countries, has any of them suggested I have a thyroid test. My friend in Los Angeles called me a couple of days ago and whilst we were talking, the subject came upbecause she had a lot of trouble getting pregnant and then after three miscarriages, an embryo finally stuck. She told me they finally worked out it was because she has a thyroid problem.
The following day, I called my GP, explained to her exactly what I'd been told and asked for very specific blood tests. She wrote me a referral and I went straight to the blood test place (whatever it's called). I should get the results tomorrow and am really kind of hoping the test shows something. I really need an answer and if this is it...awesome.
I'm feeling a bit better, and by that, I mean I can talk about it without getting upse but still don't understand why the Universe isn't letting me have my baby.
N x

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