what now...

Today started out great. I took Ollie for a walk, in my MBT's, then to the park, also in my MBT's. Work, where I wore my Fit Flops, was busy and then I had my appointment at the Fertility Clinic. This is where my day took a dive.

I had my blood test and the nurse told me the Doctor wanted to talk to me about options. Then I'd have my ultra sound and she was going to give me a class on using the injectables if I agreed this was the next step.

The Dr first asked me how I was feeling about all of this, "anxious and unsure why I'm not pregnant", then we talked about the donor sperm. He said he didn't think the count was high enough. I was kind of surprised because I figured the sperm bank wouldn't use sperm with a low count. He explained to me that the actual count was normal, but the moving sperm count was lower than normal. This did not make me any less shocked (note to self...I need to call the sperm bank and ask about this). I'd actually made the decision a couple of days ago to look for a new baby daddy, and this cemented it.

Then we talked about what's next. He said after three unsuccessful attempts using Clomid, because of my age, I should consider a more aggressive approach. He suggested injectables and then, if by some bad luck (not his words), this didn't work after a couple of cycles, I should then have IVF. I'd be able to tell you all about injectables, if I'd learned about them today, but I can't because I didn't.

Cue the ultrasound...the Doctor, nurse and I were talking during my ultrasound about looking for a new donor and having the sperm sent over. The Dr kept clicking on new screens and measuring something, then as he finished, said to me "unfortunately you're not going to be able to start anything today, you have a 3cm cyst on your ovary. It's a product of the Clomid and will go away on it's own this month, but we can't do anything while it's there."

#$%^*

I'd got my head around the fact that I was going to have to inject myself twice a day and now I have to lay low for the month. The Dr didn't seem to be worried though. Now the Clinic has time to try to get my health insurance company to pay for the injectables...it's apparently CT mandated that they stop paying for fertility treatments after the age of 40.

I know I've talked about this before and even my Doctor thinks it's ludicrous. Who decided that at 40+ a woman can't have "help" getting pregnant, this is the age it's REALLY needed. The insurance companies will pay when you get pregnant though, go friggin' figure. Why is CT different to any other state, NY is 44 years and NJ is 46 years old.

I really need to look into this, saying it's highly unfair is an understatement. I now have a couple of weeks to shop for another baby daddy and I think I might start now...I need SUPER SPERM

What's wrong with this picture...

Yesterday in the late morning, I received a text message from a guy I lived next door to in NY. Not in the apartment next door, in the building next door...we shared the laundry, us and the rest of the tenants in both buildings. He was coming to town and was I going to be at work because "they" would come and visit. By they, I presumed he meant him, his wife and their 18 month old daughter.

I used to see him outside on the street when I took Ollie out. He also has a dog, a silky terrier, so we'd walk the dogs down the street, or hang outside the buildings with the other dog owners. Not once did he ever mention a wife, girlfriend or partner. For the longest time (like 8 months) I thought he was gay...nothing wrong with it, just thought he was. Until one day I ran into him and his pregnant wife at the grocery store. He introduced us and I had to act like I wasn't shocked.

He walked into the store with his daughter and the nanny. We chatted for a while, he shopped (I don't let many people leave without making a purchase!), the baby ran around and the nanny talked very loudly in Spanish on her cell phone. He asked what's new and I told him I was trying to get pregnant. I have absolutely no idea what made me say it, and it's certainly not a secret.

I think I like the shock value...

The first thing out of his mouth..."I can help"

I laughed it off thinking he was joking. I mean he's married with a child, who does that? He let the nanny and baby walk out first and as he closed the door, he said "I'm serious". NO NO NO NO NO NO

An hour later, another text "ps, I'm clean".

This was getting creepy and I wasn't sure how to respond.

Then, later that evening "no response, I'm hurt".

I figured I had to say something, I mean, he HAD offered to have sex with me!!! So I replied with
"Sorry, I'm at a loss for words actually".

"These things happen"...what the fuck does that mean (oooh my first swear word here)? And then
"so, dinner next week?" I have yet to answer that gem.

So far my ex husband, an ex boyfriend, the husband of a friend of mine - she told me over lunch one day that she had told him what I was doing. He told her he'd give me his sperm. Her response, after she had composed herself, was that it was the funniest thing he'd ever said. Every time I think about it I laugh - and now this guy have all offered to donate to my cause and funnily enough, I don't want any of them to be my baby daddy (well, maybe one).

I do need to talk to him though, if for no other reason than to see what's going on with his marriage. I'm kinda nosy aren't I...

Doctor tomorrow. Apart from the blood test and ultra sound, he wants to talk to me about what my options are. I think he wants to be a bit more aggressive with the drugs and start injectables, which does not sound pleasant. I don't know much about it at the moment, so I'm not going to pretend, but I have a half an hour class on it while I'm there and will be able to fill you in when I get home tomorrow evening.

Til then...

So much for sayings

June 24, 2008

So much for sayings

Just got my period...

THIS SUCKS

Happy June

Thankfully, June began with the most gorgeous day. I had brunch with a couple of girlfriends. We went to a restaurant on the water, which was perfect. Nice food, great company, a couple of bloody marys....no complaints there. We did laugh though at our waiter, who walked into the glass concertina door, not once, but TWICE. Then he told us he'd walked into a street sign the day before...and he had the bruise on his forehead to prove it!!!

Then I got my period this morning....finally. This month seems to have been rather long. Other months I haven't wanted my period, but I needed it to come so I could start the cycle again and go back on Clomid. So after yoga, I called the fertility clinic and got an appointment. Everyone there is SO lovely. They all asked about my vacation...I told them about it and that I need a do over. The nurse took my blood and the Dr did an ultrasound. I was given my Rx for Clomid and Ovidrel and sent on my way. I have to wait for a phone call later today giving me the green light to start taking the pills and will go back next week so they can monitor when I'm going to ovulate...

That's all I got for now. I have to head out to go to work this afternoon, maybe I'll have something fun to add later.