March 29th

A VIRGIN CAN HAVE A BABY!!!

This is the epiphany I had last night. I think I wrote it yesterday's blog, but can't remember. Can you imagine...a girl can actually get pregnant nowadays without actually having intercourse and it's not from a toilet seat!

My sperm traveled across the country, from the West coast to the East, and is now being stored at the fertility clinic awaiting my eminent ovulation.

My Dad traveled across the equator, from Australia to New York, via the West Coast and while he's not being stored anywhere, he IS staying in my hood for the next five days. This'll be interesting...I have NEVER spent 2 days let alone five with just him...ever. Now, kids do it all the time, parents divorce and the kids spend just as much alone time with both parents, separately. Not the same as when I was growing up! But, it'll be fun...the weather has started warming up, thankfully, and he hasn't been here since I moved, nearly 10 years ago, so I can take him to all my favorite places.

This should go in the prior post, but I can't get into it...keeps saying error, error...damn technology. It's great til something goes wrong. Anyway, I digress...here's the thing...

My baby daddy suddenly became very popular. I called the Cali Cryobank on Wednesday to order it for Friday delivery (the nurse at the fertility clinic said she wanted it Fri) and the girl I spoke to said "oh, the girl before you ordered from the same donor". What the hell are the odds of that??? AND now he only had 13 vials left, so I bought 4 (just in case).

I wanted to ask her where the other girl lives....this will be my baby's half brother or sister, but I didn't think it was appropriate.

The Dr had told me to only buy IUI sperm. This means it's been washed. Otherwise it's classified as ICI and still has to be washed when it gets to the clinic. I want clean sperm. I'm a germophobe and need to know that the sperm for my anonymous Baby Daddy is going to be squeaky clean before it touches any egg of mine.

March 27th

I've been on Clomid for 4 days now. I had a headache for the first 3 days...it's one of the side effects, but today I'm fine....I think.

I did have a thought today about all of this not that this was the only one, I think about it ALL THE TIME, but I did realize that with sperm donation even a virgin can conceive AND have a baby....how weird is that...

Tomorrow is a big day....my four vials of donor sperm are being delivered to the Dr in the morning and my dad arrives tomorrow night for 5 days.

Yesterday I bought the sperm. I called the California Cryobank, after opening an account and ordered it. It's kind of like internet shopping for anything really....clothes, shoes, an ipod, whatever, now you can also purchase the makings of your very own baby. What'll they think of next?

The girl I spoke to was very patient with me and helped with all my questions, a couple of which entailed me having to call the fertility Dr's office on the other line...thank goodness for cell phones AND landlines!!! So, all my questions answered, I bought 4 vials which is good for four attempts (I figure there's a problem if it takes more) AND my donor of chioce is apparently very popular right now and has a very limited number of vials left....less than 10 now...

ummm wow

Sunday was spent in NY. I had my legs waxed (bet you wanted to know that) and ended up having lunch with my ex husband. It's funny how now I've started telling the guys in my life, just how many have offered their services. Over lunch, which was WAY longer than either of us expected, due to slow service, he asked me whether I still want children. Of course I do, I said, and actually, now you ask, I'm looking at sperm banks. He was taken a back and didn't quite know how to respond. After he'd processed my news, he made me an offer....he would give me his sperm as long as I move back to Australia to be with my family. It was a gracious offer, and thanks but no thank you. He feels badly that he never gave me a child, and now wants to rectify it, so really this is about him redeeming himself. This is not about him, so again, no thank you.

On Monday I went to the fertility clinic for my first blood test. It was a genetic test...I'm Jewish, so I have to be checked for all the Ashkenazi diseases including Tay Sachs. I have to go back next week on the first to third day of my next period for another blood drawing.

Tuesday was interesting to say the least...there's a guy who I have a strange relationship with. He and I have this amazing chemistry. We dated for a while, but something happened and now we don't, but we still keep in touch via email, almost every day. He'd put it out there that he'd come to CT to see me, so I took him up on his offer and invited him for dinner. I hadn't seen him since October, it's now March...he hadn't changed.

Anyway, after catching up on his life, he asked what's new with me. It just so happened all the reading material from the cryobank and fertility clinic was on my coffee table, so I leaned over, picked up the folder and handed it to him. He opened it and his jaw fell to the floor. After he'd composed himself, we talked about it and he also offered, except I would jump at the chance to take HIM up on it.
I know him too well though and emailed him the next day asking whether he was freaking out. He had left my place at 5am. Of course he was freaking out, he said, but he was trying to work through it blah blah. There have been emails back and forth since then, and I told him that I'm going through with this with or without him (although I'm secretly hoping...) and that I'm starting NOW.

I got my period on Saturday and went to the Dr first thing Monday morning. Had to have a blood test and ultrasound. I also was given an Rx for Clomid which I had filled and am now taking....two a day for 5 days. Unfortunately, I have the side effect headache...it's not fun, but if the drug helps get me pregnant, I can cope.

Had a bit of anxiety today....again, I think from the Clomid. I also had an epiphany this evening as to why I'm suddenly so anxious...I'm looking at having a baby with sperm from a guy I've not only never met, but will most probably never meet. This from a girl who has NEVER even had a one night stand....ARGH

ohohbaby...the decision

I'm 41, divorced, no kids, but would kill (not literally) to have one. All my friends have kids and I am the only one without them. My clock is tick, tick, ticking and I don't want to adopt, I want to be pregnant and go through the whole process. As I'm not in a relationship at the moment and can't seem to find a willing baby daddy I've decided to explore the sperm bank route. I even run a kid's lifestyle store, so I'm around kids and their Moms, a lot of whom are pregnant with their third, forth or even fifth. I know more about baby's and children's clothing and toys than the average bear and surprise customers when they find out I don't have any kids.

This blog is going to serve as my diary from today. I've already met with a fertility Dr and am going on Monday for my blood test....

I've spoken to a couple of women who have done this and they have more than helpful with sperm banks and web sites. Here in the US we are more fortunate than in other countries. In Australia, for example, the sperm banks wont deal with a woman if she's single. Why, is a single mother not as competent? Why must she have a partner to raise a child? I don't get it. Apparently a lot of single Australian women are now turning to the American sperm banks for donors. There was a story on 60 Minutes about it last week (in Aust).

There are a few banks around, but I've decided, rather than make myself crazy, to look primarily at the California Cryobank. You can choose everything about your baby daddy including height, weight, hair color, hair texture, eye color, you can even request a Nordic man (I see a Viking) and of course religion. When you first look at the number of donors, it's daunting, but once you whittle it down with your choices, it becomes manageable. I had a specific religion AND eye color, so there were maybe 15 or 20 to pour through.

Now I spend most nights online sperm shopping. It's like online dating, but you don't have to go on the date, or put out, but you end up with a baby...go figure.