I'm Crushed...

Dear Universe,

Is there something I've done to displease you?
You can be honest here because I really need to know.
I need you to tell me why you won't let me be a Mother, let alone get pregnant.

I'm thankful and so very, very grateful for my family and many friends who called, sms'd and Tweeted me yesterday afternoon when I was a bit of a mess.  By a bit, I mean a LOT.
The thing that made me pull myself together was that I was having a BBQ delivered and I didn't want the guy to be scared of me with my red, swollen eyes and matching nose. I threw some water on my face just in time!

So, today's another day. I have one more frozen embryo. My Doctor said I could have stayed on the hormone replacement drugs and gone again straight away, but I need my body to have a break from the drugs...plus I'm now going to New York and LA in a couple of weeks.
I'll wait until I get back and try, try again.

I have no bun in my oven, so it's on my head, with a couple of greys!

N x

Watch Me Here...

Here's the episode of MamamiaTV that I'm in.

http://www.mamamia.com.au/entertainment/mamamia-tv-come-talk-about-the-show-here/#comment-483604

Ask, comment, let me know your thoughts please

N x

My TV Cherry Has Been Popped and More

The end of last week was quite eventful...

My Egg Donor had her harvest on Wednesday and I had to wait anxiously for the results. 

Five eggs

I've invested a lot of money and more emotional energy into this and, quite honestly, thought (or maybe was just under the impression) that by using a donor who is under 35, she'd have more eggs, which would give me more embryos and more of a chance to have my so-wanted baby.

I'll focus on the ones that I have and hopefully won't need to have this "conversation" again!

Then on Wednesday afternoon I was asked to be on Mamamia...not the website, the TV SHOW, which airs on Fridays. My topic - sperm donors. I jumped at the opportunity because, hells, who wouldn't want their first TV appearance to be on a subject that, until quite recently, was taboo? The show is shot during the day and aired that evening. 

Of course, when I had my fertility clinic appointment on Thursday, I was informed my embryo transfer would be at the exact time on Friday I was going to be at the Sky News studio. Thankfully, the staff at the clinic are accommodating...the nurse called the Doctor and asked if it could be done on Saturday instead. DONE

Despite the shitty, cold, rainy weather, Friday was SO MUCH FUN. I was a bit nervous, but more so right before it went to air because EVERYONE I know, was watching!
I'll post the link to the show when it's up on Mamamia's website.

Out of the five eggs, two embryos survived. One was transferred on Saturday morning.

It's name is Kismet...

N x

The Next Steps

I HAVE EMBRYOS.

My donor had her egg pick up yesterday. After I was told on Saturday, it was touch and go whether the head nurse was going to recommend she cancel the cycle because she had only three follicles. Then on Monday, I was told another one had appeared over the weekend and my donor was going to be triggered that night. This means having the last shot which boosts her hormone levels. Egg pick up is always scheduled exactly 36 hours after. You usually have to set an alarm to wake up in the middle of the night to inject yourself.

So...the doctor collected five eggs, of which three have matured after their egg/sperm date last night and there's one that is iffy.

Over the past six weeks, I've been on Syneral twice a day. Then two weeks ago, I was told to start taking another hormone called Progynova...three times a day. Now that my Donor has had her harvest, I've stopped the Syneral and am having to insert Progesterone Pesseries three times a day. All I can say is thank goodness for my iphone calendar which alerts me to everything, otherwise there's no way I'd remember when to take what!!!

The Clinic wants me to have the transfer tomorrow afternoon. Any other day of any other week, this would not be a problem. Tomorrow, however, I've been asked to be on MamaMia. A tv show on cable, to talk about sperm donors.
I asked whether it was possible to wait until Saturday. I mean, if the embryos are strong, I would have thought one extra day together in the Petrie dish would be a good thing.
The Doctor agreed to Saturday morning.

This is a good week...

I'm bursting my TV cherry AND I'm going to be pregnant.

New Blog Home

I've been wanting to move my blog from where it was to here, for a very long time. I wasn't happy with how it looked, so I called on the exceptional talents of my friend Sass at Moozoo Designs. She moved everything and answered all my inane questions and changes regarding font, color and design, in.one.day.

It's a work in progress, but I think I'll be happy here and I'm sure you will enjoy visiting my blog, as I'll be posting more.

N x

New Beginnings

At last, the generous-hearted, wonderful Donor signed her consent forms. I went to see the Doctor this morning to make sure all my paperwork was dotted and crossed. He told me she's ready to begin.

WOW, FINALLY.

I wish I was as excited for me as my family and friends are. Don't get me wrong, I'm very excited and a bit overwhelmed. You've got to understand, whilst I haven't been down this path before, I've been down others that have all resulted in me being on this one. Which is great, but the emotional exhaustion that comes after every failed attempt, is awful. I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. I know that by using an egg donor, the odds of me actually getting pregnant and having a BABY are far higher and for that, I'm ecstatic. I suppose I'm a bit numb.

I WANT RESULTS

In four days I begin spraying Syneral up my nose 3 times a day. I'm going go have to remember to take it with me whenever I go out. Thankfully it's not as anti social as having to go to a public bathroom to give myself a shot. I'm refraining from illegal drug references as nothing I could come up with, was remotely witty.

After the doctor, I went to the clinic to let them know what I'm doing and to look out for my anonymous donor (she'll be the one wearing the hat and Groucho Marx glasses and moustache). The nurse filled me in on what i need to do over the next couple of weeks and then told me that even though I'm using an egg donor, because im carrying it, the baby will still have my cells. It may have the donor's features, but will have my characteristics.

I love that she said that.

The hormones make me pile on weight, no matter how healthily I eat or how much exercise I do, so I'm going to do a three day cleanse next week. Oh, also, I'm moving in twelve days, so lots of good things are happening. I'm not cooking next week because I'll be packed up and cleaning my apartment, so it's a perfect time to juice. It all gets delivered and there's no mess! I'll feel great after it and can move into my new phase of life feeling light and cleansed.

N x

Kismet

It's April and I'm posting again. Don't fall over!!!

I have decided that my psyche cannot deal with another failed round of IVF with my eggs, so a few months ago, I put it to the Universe that I was looking for an egg donor.

I'd spoken to my fertility Doctor about it. He has affiliate clinics in Greece, NY and South Africa. All of which have an abundance of egg donors. These countries do not have archaic laws like in Australia. No prize for guessing which clinic would be my choice! I would go to NY, have the embryo implanted and either come straight back, or stay for the two week wait, in case the embryo didn't stick and I would repeat the procedure. I kept thinking I'd rather do it here, so all the embryos were close by and I wouldn't have to travel.

Not the easiest thing to have happen, living in NSW where egg donors cannot be paid and they are few and far between. Friends had kindly offered but there are stipulations. The donor must be 35 years or under (my friends are over the age limit) and have finished her family. Also there are genetic tests carried out and she has to have counseling. Then there's the IVF drugs she has to take for the month and all the blood test and ultrasound appointments to go to. AND, like with sperm donors, when the child turns 18, he/she is able to seek out the biological mother. Certainly not a walk in the park.

A couple of weeks ago, I was out getting some lunch when I ran into my Doctor in the street. We chatted for a while then our conversation went something like this...

Doc "I must go because I have to harvest some eggs" (the clinic is in the building we were standing next to)

Me - joking "can you please save me some?"

Doc "is that what you've decided to do? Use an egg donor?"

Me "yes, but in a perfect world, I would rather find a donor here"

Doc "hang on...I was just on the phone with a woman who has offered to be an egg donor. She's Jewish but she wants a hetrosexual couple"

Me "QUICK CALL HER BACK. I'm Jewish and hetrosexual. Being single is not by choice and I could have a partner in the very near future. Also, couple split up. Not all, but some.

Doc "I really have to go, but I will call her when I get back to the office and let you know"

That was on a Thursday. He called me the following Monday to tell me she had agreed.

I'm now on the pill so our cycles can be synced. She will have her eggs harvested, hopefully in the next month or so. The eggs will be fertilized with the donor sperm I purchased last year. It has been sitting on ice since my last cycle in November and three days later, I will have an embryo implanted. We've decided on one at a time.

OMG, I have an egg donor. An altruistic egg donor. This is someone I will never meet. All she knows about me is my religion, that I'm single and desperately wanting a baby. I know nothing about her other than she's 35 or under, her religion and that she's an angel.

Thank you Universe.