Rinse and Repeat

This is getting to be like Groundhog Day...

Fertility clinic
Blood test
Ultrasound
Wait for phone call with results

I went to yoga, took Ollie on a hike and did some grocery shopping. The Clinic finally called just after 4pm to tell me my FSH levels are elevated, but the Doctor doesn't think it's a problem and I can go ahead.

Tonight I shopped for another vial. The Cryobank has updated their website and I had to redo all my information. Kind of a pain, because all the profiles and searches I'd saved, weren't there and I had to basically start again.

Not all bad....I came across a donor I hadn't seen previously. He matched my requirements, so he's my next choice.

Insemination is after Labor Day.

boo (again)

I think I need to change something in my life. Not sure what, just yet, but something, and SOON.

I'm doing everything right, or so I believe, so what's the problem?

WHY can't I fall pregnant?

My Doctor is away this week, but I can go on Monday for my blood test and ultrasound as they have another radiologist in for the morning to cover for him.

I think I may broach this topic with "the guy" next time I see him...It'll be a spur of the moment decision.

Manscaping

Saturday night was date #5....yup, I'm still counting.

On Friday, this is what he had suggested...
We meet at the dog park after work on Saturday, then a movie and dinner.

So, on Saturday, I sent him a text message at 4.30 telling him I'd be leaving shortly and would be at the park not long after. I never got a reply, but went anyway so Ollie could have some play-time. Just as I was leaving the park, I received an apology text (he's not big on phone calls, yet), saying he was with his daughter. He had had to take her to have a manicure so he decided to have a pedi.

I responded with "You'd lost points for taking so long to reply to my text, but you just gained them back for the man pedi".

Fast forward to dinner after the movie. We were talking about his daughter's manicure and how long it had taken, blah blah, when he told me he had also had his back waxed for the first time EVER. His ex wife had never asked him to do it, so he hadn't ever bothered.

I'm not sure he's sold on this yet because yesterday when I asked him how it was he told me itchy and uncomfortable. I suggested next time he come with me to my wonderful esthetician.

All this work for date #5 and I never saw his toes nor his back!!!

Oops

That'll teach me. On Thursday night I was home watching the Olympics and kinda bored. I knew I had one pee stick test left and decided it needed to be used....WHAT WAS I THINKING???

It was positive...there was no "not" in front of "pregnant" and for about 10 minutes I was really excited. My brother just happened to call thirty seconds after I'd looked and, naturally, I told him and because I'd done that, I then had to tell my parents.

Well, in between hanging up from him and talking to Mum, I did some quick research and found out that all the hormones I shoot up can give a false positive result until they are out of my system which takes about ten days. This had only been four.

I called the clinic the following morning to ask about false positives and was reamed out by one of the nurses, who told me it was WAY to early to take any test and I should go shopping the next time that thought crosses my mind.....I suppose at pm that's what the Internet is good for.

Now I wait....AGAIN. This is going to be a long week.

Another SATC Moment

I went out with a guy about three years ago. We broke up and I moved on. Then last year he contacted me. He wanted to know whether I wanted to have a baby (at this point, I was not considering a sperm bank) because he did and decided I'd make a great Baby Mama. He, apparently, just figured I'd do it.

He spent months selling me on the idea and I'd finally thought of succumbing when, poof, he disappeared into thin air.

Then today, abracadabra, he reappeared, IMing me this afternoon...chatting like we'd spoken last week, asked whether I was seeing anyone and if I still wanted a baby.
I gave it to him....nicely, but told him I couldn't believe he thought he could show up again and take up where we left off....A YEAR AGO.

He told me he got back together with an ex girlfriend, but after six months, they decided it wasn't going to work, again. I told him about the whole fertility thing. He asked questions, but seemed to know quite a lot about it. He said he's dying for a baby and has been looking for a surrogate!!! He still wants me to have his baby, and was offering to come here so we could conceive it the natural way.
He was all flirty and trying very hard, but c'mon, who does he think he's talking to!!!

"I don't think so....I haven't seen you in three years and jumping into bed with you isn't something I want to do."

Then he offered to come to the Dr with me next time and just "donate" and the Dr could inseminate me like he's been doing. He also REALLY wants a baby, but I've said it more than once before, I do not want to be bound to anyone I'm not in a relationship with. I don't, I just don't.

August 11th

Today, I think, the Universe finally aligned...

I got the support of one of my guy friends (I'll elaborate in a sec) and I was inseminated. This vial FINALLY had really good motility....best yet.

I had one friend whom I only told two weeks ago about this. We talk every day, but I only saw him for the first time in 5 months, a couple of weeks ago. I wanted to explain it to him face to face. So I did and he went away to process it....not that it was at all about him, but he needed to do his due diligence.

We haven't seen one another again, of course, and, like me, he wanted to discuss it next time he saw me. WELL, on Friday, his Dad was rushed to the hospital and he caught a 2 hour flight to be with him. Over the following days, I heard from him a couple of times, but I'm still not sure what condition his Dad is in other than "not great".

This morning, he sent me a text message saying he understands why I want to do it and he was more focused on his issues with it than on my happiness. He was all about the legal aspect and whether there would be any repercussions with the donor. I've explained all the facts to him and forwarded websites so he can see for himself that it's all "kosher". I'm not sure what clicked with him and whether it had to do with his Dad being so gravely ill, but he finally gets it and it really means a lot to have the support of ALL my friends.

I need a collective finger, toe and eye crossing please.

Another question...

My friend Arianna had a date last week. It was a first date and after a couple of emails and a phone call, she had decided I would be a better match, for him than her. We concocted a story, as to why I just happened to be out alone, in a bar, on a school night...out alone any night is not something I would do!

So they went on their date, and I "crashed" it. Arianna invited me to stay and have a drink with them, so after saying no a couple of times, I agreed to "just one quick one". Already I knew her radar was malfunctioning. There was no way he was my type.

We were chatting and someone said something to make him laugh. I use that term loosely. It was more of a cackle....a REALLY EMBARRASSING noise, whatever it was. I cringed and was sure Arianna did also. I couldn't look at her!!!

I stayed about 15 minutes longer and left. When I was driving home a thought crossed my mind

What happens if my Baby Daddy has an embarrassing trait like that and it gets passed on? At least when you meet a guy, you know what you're up against....gene pool wise, but suddenly there are other questions I'm now asking myself.

I suppose I've either got to get over it or find another solution.

Ok, I'm over it......

next....

Here's a happier post than the previous one....

I called the fertility clinic on Friday, because, as you all know, I have to have a blood test and ultrasound on day one, two or three of my period. I needed to go that day in case they had to order injectables for me, seeing as it was Friday and all.

I went, they took, they looked, and then one of the nurses gave me the meds. She told me I'm one of the few patients whose insurance doesn't cover this, so she gave me what they had there....Gonal F, pretty much the same as Follistim.

I'm now on a higher dose and go back to the clinic on Friday...Off I go to inject myself

: (

My world is full of pregnant women and babies.

This is like a cruel joke.....