April 18th

I've been a bit quiet this week because I'm trying not to let this consume my life...this, meaning trying to get pregnant, not THIS, my blog, but they kinda go hand in had at the moment. Sooooo, hence my silence.

Here's the latest, just so you're all up to date....

I'm on day four of my Clomid. The headaches I was getting last month from it are not nearly as bad, or as frequent, thank goodness and there's one day to go. Then I go back to the Dr on Tuesday so they can do another ultra sound to check on my ovulation technique...I think I've mastered it now, and then hopefully they'll tell me I can come in on Thursday for another insemination.

Going through this last month was very surreal. I went through the motions, but wasn't "feeling" it. This month, however, I'm there, or here, as the case may be. I've been having strict talks to my reproductive organs and told them that whatever they've heard me say in the past, is just that, past and now we have a great opportunity to have a baby, but I need them on board, or what's the point. My eggs just HAVE to make the donor sperm (I'll think of a proper name for him, eventually) like them, no matter what.

I'll write more later. It's finally beautiful outside and I'm going to meet a girl friend for a drink. The temperature has gone from 35 degrees, two weeks ago, to 77 today.

N

April 16th

Did I answer all the sperm questions yesterday? I'm still making my way around my blog site. The one friend of mine who would be able to help me do everything, DOESN'T KNOW!!! We talk every morning and IM during the day, but I want to tell him face to face and haven't seen him since I made the decision. Unlike me emailing my girlfriends with;
"....you might want to read this..."
and send them a link to ohohbaby, I want to see his reaction. He has two kids and I know he doesn't want anymore, so he wont be on the offering-to-donate list.

How did I get to be talking about him? Oh, right, he's my "tech support" (he'll hate that), and would be able to make this all spiffy, or at least talk me through how to do it myself. In the next couple of weeks I'll get a Q & A page up. I'm really trying to answer all your questions and I apologize if I haven't got to yours yet...I will, I promise I will.

This is a bit all over the place tonight. I'm back home after being at friend's since Sunday looking after their dog. I'm SO looking forward to sleeping in my bed. Ollie, my dog, has been in his bed since we got home...well, he ate and went straight to bed! I'm following right now...

mwah

questions, questions...

I didn't make this decision to do this anonymous sperm donor thing overnight ya know. It took nearly a year to convince me it was not only a good idea, but the right one. I started looking into it last year, but it all seemed to overwhelming, so I went back to wishing for my prince, or an immaculate conception. Then I woke up and realized neither were happening in the near future so I HAD to bite the bullet and make the decision.

Thank goodness for the internet. I spent hours staring at it, well at the screen, reading, reading, reading. Then I started talking to friends. Funnily most of which knew of someone who had done it (I've said this in previous posts). I am fascinated as to why a guy would want to be a donor. How could he father children he will never meet and then go on to have a meaningful relationship and a family of his own? Does he ever think about them? How weird would it be to walk down the isle of a supermarket, or be sitting in an airport lounge and see a little boy who is the spitting image of you.

I chose the baby daddy that I did after narrowing my search down to one religion, wow, already the pool had shrunk, height and eye color (yes, I'm that pathetic). I've always been attracted to a certain type of guy, as are most girls and eye color, oddly enough played a part in it, so I decided to stick to my "list" (more on this in a future post) and choose a donor with that specific feature. Well, then there were only a handful, which actually made the whole process MUCH less intimidating. I read through the profiles and sent a couple of finalists to friends to help with the decision. The one I chose was the donor we had all actually agreed on. No, I will never reveal his id number, just fyi.

Here's the scoop that I've found out so far, on donors...

They have to be between 19 and 39 years old and be graduates or graduating from a major 4 year US university.

They go through a stringent screening process including interviews, genetic history, a complete physical examination and then have to leave several sperm samples for medical testing. This includes all STD's, Hepatitis B and C and anything to do with Hepatitis, HIV....you get the idea. They are very thorough and repeat the process more than once. Then there's all the genetic tests which include Tay Sachs, Canavan Disease, Sickle Cell Disease, Familial Dysautonomia and Chromosome Analysis and Cystic Fibrosis. If this was a book, you would be able to reference the descriptions for these genetic diseases on page 254, but no, it's a blog and I'm still trying to become technically savvy enough to figure out how to link them...give me time...

They have to commit to the program for one to two years and donate 2-3 times A WEEK for which they get $75/specimen. That's $1100 a week if they donate three times!!! What guy would say no to THAT???

The guy has to agree to have a twice yearly physical exam and have blood tests every three months. Not so terrible when you get to "donate" for money 3 times a week!!!

How's this....they only accept less than 1% of all men who apply....cool, huh?

Monday night rant

I want to thank everyone who posted today an those who may have thought about it, for their wishes. I saw the Dr again today. They drew blood to test my hormone levels and had an ultra sound. I get the blood results tomorrow and will hopefully be able to start on Clomid again tomorrow night.

I'm upset tonight because I got a text message today from a girlfriend whom I haven't spoken to in months wondering why I didn't tell her I'm pregnant.
"HUH?"
So I called her and she told me she got two emails this morning, one from her dad and one from a girl she's still friendly with but I whom haven't set eyes on in probably 15 years, asking whether she'd spoken to me and if she knew. We talked for a while and she said she's in the same situation. Same age as me and wondering what to do. I know I'm not alone in this which makes not only doing it, but writing about my experience all the better...so other women know they're not alone also. We chatted for a bit then she had to go into a meeting, but we'll get together in the next couple of weeks and catch up.

If there's one thing I CANNOT STAND it's being talked about. There are others, I can assure you, but today this is at the top of my list. I think I know how it got to the person in question, but why is what I'd like to know. Not that I care because really, I don't. It's the fact that it was told in confidence to someone...not that I'm pregnant, because, as you have all read, I'm clearly NOT, but that I'm trying. Then in true Chinese Whisper style, it went around a few gossip mongers and what transpired is that I AM pregnant. Yeah, thank you, thank you very much...now get a life and go do your own "thing".

Ok, I promise tomorrow will be more lighthearted.

Boo hoo...

I'm sure you all know where this is headed...I got my period today, so now I have to repeat last month. I called the Dr today and he happens to have time to see me this afternoon. I have to go on day one, two or three of my period for an ultrasound and blood work. Then he'll put me back on Clomid (yay headaches).

I'm all for the power of positive thinking....ie, The Secret, and all I want now is to be pregnant, so, what gives, huh?

Maybe my eggs didn't want to put out on the first date. They would have learned that from me, so I can't be too harsh on them. This month I'm going to have to have a talk to them though. The problem is is that they're probably not sure what to do, this is all new to them. For all these years I've told them to repel sperm..."don't get pregnant no matter how much I like him, DON'T DO IT" and now I have to play nice and explain the time has come.

Maybe the baby daddy sperm needed to make themselves comfy in their new surroundings and hopefully text messaged the others that have been hanging out in storage at the fertility clinic to give them the thumbs up. This could be the only other reason, because who wouldn't love to be nestled in my uterus right now, huh, huh???

And anyway, if I was pregnant on the first try, my blog would be too short!!!

Today's original blog has now moved to either later tonight, or tomorrow. It's all about donors.

My Dad's coming back into town this afternoon so we'll hang out and go for dinner and I may just decide to write it when we get home.

Sunday evening...

I have 2 more days til my period is due but I've done 2 pee stick tests which have both said I'm not pregnant, so I'm praying they're wrong, but there is nothing I can change if I'm not pregnant this month except repeat what I did last month. Having never been pregnant I have no idea how I'm supposed to feel. All my friends keep telling me what the "symptoms" are, but so far I feel none of them. So, to take my mind off the only thing at the forefront of my mind I have decided to elaborate on some of my earlier posts. That makes absolutely NO sense but this is MY blog and it makes sense to me.

Firstly, there's the title. I started this blog without telling anyone, because everyone has an opinion and everyone's opinion is different and as much as I value my family and friends and what they have to say, I wanted it to get going before I heard them, or was judged for writing it (not that I think for one second anyone would judge me). I called it ohohbaby because that's what this decade is called, no? There were the 80's, the 90's and now the 00's. I tossed up whether to call it doubleohbaby, but I liked ohoh better.

I have one friend who did a lot of cajoling, she was the first one I told about this. I would send her emails about my day, or how I felt about something, or what did she think about blah blah...she kept telling me I should turn all the emails into a blog. Me, air my laundry in Cyberland? The thought had never crossed my mind. I could write my piece in my head and knew exactly what I wanted to say, but when it came to putting fingers to keyboard, I couldn't do it. She finally told me to pretend I was writing to her and just take her name off the top before I published the post....YAY, it worked. Now it's much easier and I look forward to sitting down at the end of the day and writing.

More on this tomorrow...I didn't realize the time and I have to be up super early. I'm dog sitting for friends this week. Their dog is my dog's brother (we have no idea whether the dogs know, but it's a question we're forever being asked). They live about 20 minutes away from where I live, work and go to yoga, so I have to get up earlier than normal so I can let the dogs out, give them breakfast and let them out again before I leave at 7.45 to get to an 8.15 yoga class. It may be a pipe dream...we shall see.

TGIF (although, I work on Saturdays)

I had plans last night to go out for dinner with the girl who lives above me. She's about to turn 24, sweet and very sure of herself. We arrived home from work at about the same time and were outside peeing our dogs and discussing where we were going and how long it' would take us both to get ready. We figured we'd both be ready in 30ish minutes. Not 10 mins later, she was knocking at my door. I opened it and in her hand was a pregnancy test...A POSITIVE PREGNANCY TEST...not something at all planned. Needless to say, drinks were canceled...

I also have customers who have either just had or are newly pregnant with their third or 4th baby.

ARGH...I'm making everyone around me fertile!

Stale Eggs

Do you watch The Real Housewives of NY? Oh my goodness...I like the Housewives of the OC, but THIS is scary. Not spider scary, more like clown scary...or a train wreck. I've been watching it from the beginning of the season and don't get it. I don't understand why most of the women were chosen. They are billed to be the elite class, the top of the top echelon of NY society women, I beg to differ. A couple of them, I agree with, but the others, no friggin' way.

The OC women are all, for the most part, self made. They all have jobs, real jobs and families that they take care of. I've only noticed one of the NY women have an actual job, Betthany. She's the token single girl and a personal chef. I'm not a fan of hers. I like 2 of them...LuAnn, she's a Countess and Jill, who tells it like she sees it and isn't a social climber. She's where she needs to be. The other two women are embarrassing. One of them dresses like shes 24, but certainly isn't. Her daughter keeps telling her she needs to change her wardrobe, but she really couldn't give a shit. She looks like mutton dressed as lamb and acts in the same manner. Oh and they need to say who her Dr is, because the skin around her eyes is pulled WAY too tight...she always looks like she's had a fright. AND then there's Alex, who is attached at the hip to her husband. They NEVER go anywhere alone, including a girl's night Alex was invited to, she brought Simon (the hubby)...go figure. They are the MOST annoying of them all. They're social climbers and make friends to enhance their status.

So, last week, Betthany, broke up with her boyfriend and just HAD to go to Miami for a week to get over it. When she got back she met a friend for drinks. Her girl friend knew the story, but Betthany filled her in with how she was feeling and thinking she should get back with the guy. The friend, married with kids, launched into a speech about her age and the fact that at 35ish, women's eggs aren't fresh anymore and every year they become more stale..."you don't want to make a baby with old eggs, do you?" To which Betthany responded "I get it, I certainly wouldn't make an omelette with old eggs". Yeah, thanks...made me feel really great...NOT

You have to watch it if you're not already, just so you can see whether you agree with my brief synopsis.

Five days...I'm going to be pregnant, I'm going to be pregnant, I'm going to be pregnant

Change of Pace - part deux

I had to write a reply to that ridiculous email (the one I posted yesterday). It took a couple of days because every time I re read his email, I laughed so hard I cried...and I had to forward it to everyone I knew, so they too could have a belly laugh. This is going to be a short post because I'm wiped tonight.

Anyway, here's my (obviously) tongue-in-cheek reply...

Dear A,

I have just read your email and am at a loss for words.

But here goes......all my life I have dreamed of wearing the outfit that my Mom wore to her wedding.....white Swarovski encrusted bell bottom jeans. After reading your email, I apparently have had to reconsider my marital attire.

Sometimes I see a man in a dress walking down the street with a woman in jeans and cant understand what is the matter with me....why can't I get someone like him??? Also, the dating thing....why do guys keep showing up in pants when all I ask for is a man in a dress. Am I NOT worthy?

I hadn't thought of a first date being the prerequisite for a wedding, but I suppose you are right and I will take this new-found knowledge with me as I search for my dress-wearing prince.

Enough said...

Change of pace...

I have nothing new to write about my impending pregnancy, so I thought I'd switch gears...

Before I began my foray into Sperm Bank Land I was Internet dating (still am). Hey, I needed to find my Prince Charming/Baby Daddy. People, ie, my Mother, would say "you should get out, you're not going to meet anyone in your living room", but you CAN. With the help of the Internet you're able to troll the dating sites, find someone you might like, organize to meet him and buy a new outfit for your first date, including shoes...in your sweats, make-up free, eating B & J's chocolate fudge brownie frozen yoghurt and no one on the other side of the screen is any the wiser.

I've had some really awful dates, many of which I now dub "one drink dates". The ones where I turn up and by the time my first drink arrives (I'm not a "let's meet for coffee" girl. I'd rather meet after work, at a bar), I've already started making up my exit strategy. Why is it that you can have a great repore with someone via email, instant messaging and even the phone, but when you meet face to face there's absolutely NO chemistry, none, zip, zilch, nada....for me anyway. Often the guy is oblivious to how I feel and wants a 2nd date....no thank you....NEXT.

I went on one very weird date. He suggested I meet him at the marina where his boat was mored. Sure, sounded fun...so off I went. I arrived at the designated place by the water and called him. He was on his boat, which I finally found, not because I couldn't understand the directions, because I was looking for a real boat!!! This was a small old wooden thing...I mean boat. Maybe I was missing something. We exchanged pleasantries and I got on the boat. After the first glass of champagne I found out this was where HE LIVED. I wasn't exaggerating when I said the boat was small...and it didn't have a bathroom...well, it had a thing like a port-a-loo, but no shower. I had to ask what he did in the winter (I live on the East Coast) and his reply was he wasn't sure as this was the first year he didn't have an apartment as well. He'd given it up to live here. He was thinking maybe he would sleep in his office because, as he kept telling me, he was very successful. Ummm, all I could think of was "get me off this crazy ride".

I had organized with one of my girl friends to call me - oldie but a goodie - and made out that I had to pick up her daughter blah blah. So I left as fast as I could without looking like I was running to a shoe sale.

I do have to say this...I was wearing jeans. I always wear them, as do most people I know, men and women. They're more comfortable than a dress and I knew I was going on a boat...and thought I'd be in appropriate attire. I'm saying this because I'm going to show you the email I received the following day and had to set the stage...I'll say no more....

Nicky,

Sorry. I wasnt a very good date last night. It wasnt very chivalrous of
me. And you were so good about getting together on short notice.

I am just always disappointed on a first date when a woman shows up wearing
pants which is the vast majority of the time on match. I realize that
there is probably not a message being sent, but it is a flaw of mine that I
think it is. I believe I am being told that I am not worth the effort.
Sometimes, when I see a woman in a dress out with a man, I look at him and
wonder what makes him better than me.

I have always felt that the woman that I am going to marry will be wearing
women's clothing when we first meet.

I have reflected on this and think that since it is about the only issue
about women that I have (that I am aware of anyhow) I am not going to worry
too much about it. It probably comes from growing up in the 70s when women
were adamantly against wearing skirts.

This is the first time I have written an apology after a first date I am
thinking it is a good practice. I am also thinking about putting in my
profile something along the lines of not a problem if you want to wear
jeans at our wedding, but please consider wearing a skirt on our first
date. Actually, I wonder why women wear dresses to their weddings if they
are against wearing them on dates seems inconsistent of them. A first date
is a prerequisite for a wedding isnt it?

You are an attractive, articulate woman and whoever is with you is
fortunate.

Please accept my apology and give Ollie a scratch behind his ear for me.

Yours,

A

Have you wiped the tears (from laughing) away yet?

April 7th

I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant...I don't actually know this fact yet, but I'm instilling positive vibes and living The Secret.

I picked up my "I'm over 40" reading glasses today. I can actually SEE my blackberry screen clearly now and reading what I'm typing on my laptop is much easier! Now that it's easier to stare at the screen, I want to go back and fill in some of the gaps...

Before I contemplated sperm banks, I was ready to find a cute young guy and ask him to donate. I hadn't really thought through how THAT was going to happen though! I even had one of my girlfriends help me scout for them, but we kept finding faults!

Then there were all the legalities people kept warning me about...

1. What if the guy decided he wanted to be part of the baby's life?
2. If the above happened, he would then maybe stop me from moving back to Australia if I ever chose to. This would be devastating.
3. There have been cases where the guy has sued the woman after the fact because he has realized she earns a lot more money than he does and he wants a slice of the pie for his donation.
3. I needed a contract to stop the above from happening and when I spoke to a lawyer friend, he said there were too many loopholes

All BIG reasons for an anonymous donor!

There were the couple of guys I know, who kinda offered...(we've been through that). Unfortunately for me right now my guy friends have a consciences. Something I definitely admire, but right now, I NEED one of them to lower their standards and put out for me...or in, as the case my be.

I AM pregnant, I AM pregnant, I AM pregnant....have to keep the vibe going....

April 6th

This is the first day of my weekend. I work Tuesday through Saturday. Today I went to yoga then met a couple of girlfriends for brunch.

This was only the second yoga class I've been to in 6 months and I'm a HUGE yogi. In October I dislocated my shoulder doing a handstand in class. It was still hurting a week later, so I had an MRI which showed I'd torn all the cartilage in my shoulder....I had to have surgery to repair my labrum. The surgery was Dec 27th, I was in a sling for six weeks and still have to go to Physical Torture (Therapy) twice a week. It's SO much better and I'm thankful I can start back at yoga, but I still can't do a lot with my left arm. By the time my baby is born, though, I'll be good as new!

The waiting game

Patience is DEFINITELY not my middle name. I hate waiting, I've always hated waiting...I'm all for instant gratification. I have to wait 2 weeks before I find out whether the sperm that I chose, decided to mate with my egg. I'm sure my uterus was very welcoming, lit some candles, opened a bottle of wine, cooked a great dinner and then had at least one of my eggs take one for the team and put out on the first date.

In my head I'm not pregnant, although I hope to g-d that I am. I'm still drinking coffee and alcohol, eating raw goat and sheep cheese and sushi....I figure I have 2 weeks, well, less now, to do all the things I wont be able to do when I find out I AM pregnant. I will stop the second I find out, btw...

In the interim, I'll tell you all about the other things going on in my life, because I do actually have a life! My Dad left to go to NC on Thursday to meet up with his golf buddies for a few days then go to the ATL to the Masters only to return in 10ish days.

I work Tuesday through Saturday, so now I'm starting my weekend. I'm not a fan of going out for the sake of it, so I'm staying home tonight. I gave Ollie a bath because he was at the point where only his mother could stand to be around him, and even I was embarrassed to take him out in public. Now I'm sitting here with my laptop, internet dating and writing my blog....
One of my girl friends just called to say she's back from a three week vacation in Australia. She got off the plane 2 hours ago and is already out. This is when I wish I still lived in NY...could have met up with her, but oh well, I'll go in next weekend and play...might be my last big weekend for a long time!!!

Sidebar....When I say I'm still drinking alcohol, I drink maybe a glass of red wine with dinner. I certainly don't go out and get hammered, on a regular basis....or ever for that matter...well maybe once in a blue moon, but this really is on the very odd occasion.

April 2nd...

Today's THE day. Well, this morning is, anyway. I'm taking every day as it comes and don't want to look too far into the future...ie, how long til i know if I'm pregnant? This is the question everyone is asking me. I DON'T KNOW...I assume if I don't get my period in a couple of weeks, I might be pregnant.

This morning started of just like every other morning. I took Ollie, my dog, to the park. He played with his friends, I talked to my friends (the dog owners), they were none the wiser. I haven't really told anyone. Ollie and I went home, I showered and washed my hair....I figured I should make an effort for this auspicious occasion and maybe at least one donor sperm would like me and my uterus enough to stay.

I rocked up to the fertility clinic like it was any other appointment. It was 9am...I wanted to do this before work. I walked into the office, sat down and waited to be called in. The nurse didn't leave me waiting too long. She showed me into one of the rooms and told me to undress from the waist down....been there done that all the other times I'd been. Then I waited for the Dr. He came in with one of the nurses, the vials and some paperwork that I had to read and sign. They asked me to identify the donor number on the vial to make sure it was what I'd ordered.

OMG, what if it wasn't? Then what? How terribly devastating. This was difficult enough without the possibility of THAT happening.

Anyhoo, paperwork signed, everything was set....the Dr filled up a catheter with my baby daddy's sperm and inserted it into my uterus...this was SO not romantic and over in a painless minute. No happy ending for me in this baby making event. I was told to lie there for 10 minutes before getting dressed. After the alloted time, I walked out of the room, made an appointment for a blood test in two weeks....to see if I'm pregnant. Ahhh, now I have an answer to everyone's question. Then I got in my car and drove to work, just like any other day.

It was all very surreal.

April Fools Day

I'm no fool...I have one day to freak out, or change my mind, which I'm not going to do. I've always been the "experimental child". Even growing up, I was the oldest of three and therefore my parents tried things on me...if they worked, they'd use them on my younger brothers ie, grounding me, taking away privileges etc. I really felt like I was hardly done by as a teenager, but what teen doesn't?

Anywhoo...I'm, yet again the experimental one. I'm taking one for the team. I'm the girl everyone (my family and friends, and their friends) will be able to reference.

One day, well, lots of days really. Tomorrow is the day I'm impregnated, but i won't find out if it takes for days after, so I'll live on shpilkers till then. THEN, if by some bad luck, I'm not pregnant, I have to repeat this the following month, but I WILL be, I HAVE to be, I WANT to be, I NEED to have a baby.

Till tomorrow.........

Last Day in March

At 8am I had to go to the fertility clinic to have more blood drawn so they could watch my ovulation hormones and another ultrasound.
I have to inject myself with Ovidril tonight and go back on Wed to be INSEMINATED....OMFG

April Fool's Day

I'm no fool...I have one day to freak out, or change my mind, which I'm not going to do. I've always been the "experimental child". Even growing up, I was the oldest of three and therefore my parents tried things on me...if they worked, they'd use them on my younger brothers ie, grounding me, taking away privileges etc. I really felt like I was hardly done by as a teenager, but what teen doesn't?

Anywhoo...I'm, yet again the experimental one. I'm taking one for the team. I'm the girl everyone (my family and friends, and their friends) will be able to reference.

One day, well, lots of days really. Tomorrow is the day I'm impregnated, but i won't find out if it takes for days after, so I'll live on shpilkers till then. THEN, if by some bad luck, I'm not pregnant, I have to repeat this the following month, but I WILL be, I HAVE to be, I WANT to be, I NEED to have a baby.

Till tomorrow.........

Last day in March

At 8am I had to go to the fertility clinic to have more blood drawn so they could watch my ovulation hormones and another ultrasound.
I have to inject myself with Ovidril tonight and go back on Wed to be INSEMINATED....OMFG

March 30th

Dad and I went for dinner last night, during which he tried to bring up the "baby thing"....

"So, Mum tells me you're waiting on a UPS shipment"

"huh?"

"Mum told me you're waiting on a package from UPS, or DHL, I'm not sure which"

"huh?"

"something coming from California"

"ooooh, yes, it was sent yesterday straight to my Dr"

"are you sure you don't want to move back? You have your family and friends there and here, what do you have?"

"lots of friends and support also. I'm not sure what i want to do but at the moment, I'm staying here"

"ok, but know we're there to support you..."

Our pizzas arrived and that was the end of the baby conversation with my Dad.

Today I took Dad into NY. We walked down Madison Ave...I took him into Barney's, Frette (sheets for Mum), Ralph Lauren, and not one, but TWO golf stores where I had to wait in the car as there was no parking. Not that I would have gone in, I'd rather have my teeth pulled...