Bye Bye 2009

I meant to write this yesterday, I REALLY did, but I procrastinated for too long and ran out of time. By procrastinated, I mean reading other people's end of year blogs and chatting to friends on FaceBook and Twitter.

The past decade I've been married and divorced and have lived in three countries, in two hemispheres and have moved house more times than I care to count. I've made LOADS of new friends, many of whom I now don't see often seeing as they're in the US and I'm in Australia, but with good friends, time and distance don't matter.

I began this blog nearly two years ago and have STILL not had a baby, let alone even been pregnant, but I'm determined to have a baby and will keep at it as long as my doctor and my emotions let me.

My New Year's resolution...yes, I actually have one, is to be more pro active. I also need to actually write more in my blog rather than jut composing it as I walk in the mornings and never actually put pen to paper, or in 2010 terms, fingers to keyboard. I actually have something to say everyday, but have not been vigilant about blogging. So now, you'll be hearing form me a lot more often.

I'm now wishing I'd written this yesterday, because today, all I want to do is nap, but I'm determined to finish...damnit.

Ehhh, what the hell, my brain is full of champagne and I'm just going to blabber and you'll be bored, so I will continue tomorrow.

Happy New Year Peeps

N x

Ayecarumba

I met Bart Simpson, not the ten year old, real one, but a 42 year old version...

I had yet another blind date on Saturday. After every dud one, I say no more, but my friends keep telling me, it only takes one and maybe the next date won't be traumatic.

Well, yet again, they were wrong. I gave in and had a coffee meeting with a guy on Saturday. He called to introduce himself and asked if I wanted to meet that week. I agreed and he suggested we could meet on Thursday night in the city, after he went salsa dancing (yup), which would be at, oh, about 10.30 or 11pm. Ummm, no, I'm in bed by then and CERTAINLY NOT meeting a newbie in the middle of the night. I recommended we start with coffee on the weekend.

There was a bit of a debate (by him) as to where to meet on Saturday for coffee. He lives about 20 minutes from me and said he never comes to my hood (my word, he's not cool enough to use it) because it's too difficult to park and I don't travel far for first dates, which from here on out, will no longer be called a date. We agreed on the closest mall seeing as there's tons of parking underneath.

He was already at the cafe when I arrived and the second I saw him, I nearly just kept on walking, but being the sucker that I am, I said hi and sat down. He was Bart Simpson with glasses...he had Bart's signature hair, very short on the sides and tufted on top, which si cute on a ten year old cartoon character, but on a real life 40 something man, it looks ridiculous. Plus, he kept twiddling the front of it in his fingers, like a little girl plays with her hair. ALSO, his boobs were bigger than mine. How do I know this? His horizontal-striped tee shirt was too tight. I wanted to laugh and take a photo to post on FaceBook and Twitter so everyone could see.

He was a sweet man, for someone else, but not for me and I was bored. To top off, as we were getting ready to leave...something I was very much looking forward to, he asked me whether food in this specific mall was expensive. Huh? Compared to where? Pre-made food, supermarket food, WTF was he asking??? We'd already paid the bill at the cafe, so I knew he wasn't planning on eating with me. I'm not sure he even knew why he asked, so I said bye and we parted ways, never to speak again.

I will not go on anymore blind dates

I will not go on anymore blind dates

I will not go on anymore blind dates

I will not go on anymore blind dates

I will not go on anymore blind dates

N x

Wanted...

When I saw the Doctor last week, apart from other things we discussed, he told no more IVF til next year. I would have to have a period by today to fit in one more cycle, which wasn't going to happen, and therefore neither is getting pregnant anytime in 2009.

I'm going to have to change the title of my blog...HELL. This was *not* supposed to happen, or not happen, as the case would be. My plan was to be pregnant before 2010, still in the oh ohs, hence the title. Piss.

Soooooo, I've decided to put this out of my head (not sure how easy this will actually be) and enjoy some fun and frivolity and do A LOT of yoga.

I do, however, require a wing woman and am wondering where I should advertise for said position...here? On a tee shirt? Certainly not on the back of a toilet door.

WANTED *Wing Woman

- Gen X (or young end of Baby Boomers) female, willing to go out and have fun. Must work weekends and be available a couple of weeknights for drinks and dinner.

Job description

- To help me pick up men and not just any men, only ones who fit into the List given to you. This list is private and you will have to sign a non-disclosure agreement as a term of employment.

- You must be willing to be second best and therefore not look quite as good as me when we are seen in public together.

- My wing woman will have my back and if need be, do the initial flirting with the man of my choosing, laugh at my jokes (but not in a lesbian way) and be able to have witty banter with me so said male thinks I'm sexy and funny, at which time, you will step away from "us" and only speak again if I speak to you.

- We can speak more about the position on application.

The successful applicant will have a good sense of style and be willing to pay her own way.

_{*This is not a paid role, I just really want someone to go out and play with}

Phuck

This was NOT supposed to happen this month. I wasn't planning on getting my period until sometime next year, but as the saying goes, "the best laid plans..."

I'm not in the funnest of moods, but wanted to let you all know.

Now I'm going to process this over the next couple of days...

N x

October 26th

The wettest October day in like twenty years and it was freaky windy, but that was no reason to stay in bed.

I had an appointment with my acupuncturist at 10.30. He's awesome and very personable and opened my fallopian tubes which friggin killed, but only for a second, so I forgave him.

From there I went to the Fertility Clinic for my embryo transfer...yes Peeps, this is the furthest I've got in the eighteen months I've been on this journey. The one and only egg I produced this month was fertilized on Saturday and divided. I saw it before it was inserted into my uterus and it looked completely different to the previous time when they were just round eggs...this had cells and looked more exciting.

Then a couple of hours later, back to acupuncture. He told me I was now a fertile Goddess...

Here's hopin'

N x

One Good Egg

The egg retrieval was yesterday. I had three good size follicles, but the Doctor could only retrieve one egg. Here's hoping it's a goody.

I feel MUCH better today than I did after the last time.

N x

Not Compromising...

Every morning I have a short ritual (by short, I mean it takes all of a minute) where I make a wish to meet the man of my list...admit it, we all have one, even if you ARE in a relationship, and to have a baby. When asking the Universe for things, one must be very specific. On Wednesday morning, I left with Ollie for a quick walk, made my wish and left the apartment. I had to get to the Fertility Clinic for a blood test and ultrasound and was going to take him to the park after. Apparently I must have worded it wrong...

We did the short walk to the beach, walked home, got in the car, drove to the clinic, I got back in the car after the tests (everything was still on track for egg collection Friday, which is now today, but I'm getting ahead of myself) and drove to the park. Ollie jumped out of the car and walked into the park...still a normal day. I watched the whales for about 15 minutes with a couple of friends while the dogs stood around...it was going to be an extremely hot day, then walked Ollie back to the car. This is where my day went downhill FAST. He couldn't get up the stairs. His back legs had NO strength, so I carried him up, put him in the car and called the vet as I sped there because I figured he'd been bitten by a tic.

Vet told me he wanted to check him for tics and keep him for observation for a couple of hours. This was now 9.00am. Fine with me, just fix him. I went and met two new friends for coffee, who were now equally worried about him.

They called from the vet at 1.00pm and told me I could pick him up. There was no tic and as baffling as this was, the vet thought Ollie may have strained his hips, or this was the onset of arthritis. I took him home, but something wasn't right. It came on too fast and too sever to be a hip "thing" so I checked him over once more and FOUND A TIC.

I carried him to the car, and couldn't get back to the vet fast enough, who was mortified he'd missed it. The tic was removed and Ollie was carried away to be doused in a bath and administered an intravenous tic anti serum. He was not coming home tonight.

Paralysis tics are deadly. The first symptom is the dog's hind legs go limp, then the poison goes into their respiratory system, which is where it was heading in Ollie. By the time I took him back, he was panting hard. I picked him up yesterday evening and was told he's going to be fragile for about a week.

He's very lethargic and his bark is different, like he's whispering. When I heard it last night I realized how fatal this could have been. I'm just thankful the tic was found and he was treated in time.

Needless to say, I lost my appetite and really have eaten nothing since this ordeal!!!

Hey, Universe, I'm not compromising. I want my dog, a baby AND a relationship.

N x

Ouchy

Back to the Fertility Clinic this morning for a blood test and an ultrasound. I have three good follicles and can begin my Antagonist injections tonight. Now I'm injecting myself with two shots...

This means egg retrieval will probably be on Tuesday or Wednesday.

I have another blood test on Monday, and will find out then.

N x

Stick it to me...

I started my Puregon injections yesterday. Same time every evening until the Clinic tells me otherwise. Next blood test is on Saturday when I'll probably have an ultrasound.

Thank you to all of mamamia's readers who responded today. I appreciate all the opinions and hope I'll have some good news to report in the not too distant future.

http://mamamia.com.au/weblog/2009/10/guest-post-im-single-and-trying-to-have-a-baby-with-donor-sperm.html

N x

FINALLY

This is the longest cycle I've ever had...32 days.

I spent yesterday with my brother, sister in law and their kids, who have been vacationing up the coast. My sis in law was asking me what's going on with my IVF. I told her I'm still waiting for my period to start again. She said I'm sure to get it now because every girl who's visited them in the past couple of days, has started their period there!!!

I got mine today...

Tomorrow, blood test.

N x

Tap, tap, tap...

Still waiting for my period. By my calculations I should have got it last Sunday. It's now Thursday night. I called the clinic today and spoke to one of the nurses, who told me to be patient.

When I don't want it, my period comes way too soon. Now I WANT it to come so I can start IVF again and I'm having the longest cycle I've ever had...WTF.

Patience, as I've said before, is not my strongest virtue, or a virtue that was even waved over me. I have none, I've never had any, I have no problem confessing this and when I simply have no choice, I feign it.

So, here I sit...

N x

The New Black

EVERY forty something person I've spoken to, or about, is dating a 27 year old. Whether they're guys or girls, it's becoming quite a phenomenon...to me anyway.

What is it about these Gen Y'ers that's SO appealing? They seem to be cashed up, from doing I don't know what and are quite selfish, maybe that's why they have so much dough.

Do they have siblings, or are many of them only children? The thing with late 20 year olds is that they think they're tres sophisticated. They're not, and only realize this when they're 40, just like the rest of us.

What do my friends talk about with their new squeezes?

Where to go for dinner?

Does her butt look ok in her jeans?

What they're going to eat?

Then they both get plastered, go home and have sex. Then what do they talk about...?

And whose friends do they hang out with?

Ok, I'm done, it's just so not me and I don't get it...

N x

Cough, Cough...

Most of NSW woke to a freaky red morning. It was apocalyptic and felt like we were on Mars.

This photo was taken at 6.45am from the grass at Bondi Beach. I couldn't see the water, let alone the horizon!!! Now everything is covered in blanket of red dust...EVERYTHING.

I went to yoga, took Ollie to the groomer, home to shower, then I went to see the Doctor about starting another round of IVF. We chatted about the one that didn't work and that every cycle is different. One can produce no eggs and the next can produce five good ones.

Also, the NSW Government is changing the laws regarding fertility treatments and donor sperm. In 2010 no one will be able to bring in sperm from another country to New South Wales. The closest state for the procedure will be Canberra. All the fertility Doctors have spent a lot of time and money fighting it and trying to figure out why, oh why this is such an issue for the Government.

Next period I begin again.

I went from there into the City to the Mac store. My iPhone battery has been running out by lunchtime. I made an appointment online a couple of days ago and caught the train in. The appointment was at 1.00pm and I was back in Bondi Junction and picking up Ollie at 2pm...with my new iPhone. They are very helpful and switched out my dud phone without a problem.

It's still incredibly windy and the air quality is dangerously high, so going to the park this afternoon was out of the question for pretty much everyone. I took Ollie around the block and we came home. It sucks because I can't even have the doors to the balcony open.

Apart from my new phone, I also have a cupcake, so all is right with the world...

Later

N x

damnit

Or as I said on FaceBook....eff ewe see kay.

It was a long shot and it didn't work. I got my period tonight.

I'm going to eat lots of chocolate now......

N x

Lunch

I just had a very yummy vegan pie from Funky Pies. I'm SO full now, though. It was scrumptious...broccoli, shrooms and something that resembled cheese, but it wasn't because all their pies are vegan. They have pies with pretend chicken and pretend bacon bits, although I've never understood why people who won't eat anything with a mother, want to eat something that's pretending to look like the thing they wont eat.

This vegan/vegetarian side of me is balancing out my new favorite food...BEEF SAUSAGES. For anyone who has known me for a while, this is quite surprising, seeing as I was a vegetarian for twenty-ish years and only started eating meat about eight months ago!!!

Said sausages only come from one source...Fox Markets. I take Ollie there on a Wednesday and he always makes a bee line for them. The guy has cooked samples to try, or in my case I take enough that Ollie and I can share them for lunch. My Mum, who was stunned the other day as she was watching me eat them, bought me a kilo. I took them home, rationed them into pairs and put them in the freezer, after bbq-ing two and eating them before my she date last night.

N x

Another Day, Another Blood Test

Here I am, back in the waiting room at the Fertility Clinic, in my yoga clothes because I figured I would get here really early and be in and out by 8.05am and I could still make yoga. No such luck. I arrived here at 7.45 to find every chair taken. Did people sleep here over night like when you line up for tickets to a concert...I don't, but many do, I see it on the telly.

I was really looking forward to yoga. I've gone back to practicing Ashtanga and realize how much I love it. Since moving back to Sydney, I've been quite unimpressed with the classes and teachers. Ashtanga was a big part of my life for 8 years, but I stopped because I kept injuring myself. There is one teacher in Sydney who I would practice with...we live in the same suburb and walk our dogs in the same park, so we've been chatting about my practice. Anyway, I went on Wednesday morning, loved it, but haven't been back. I'll figure this out for next week and start properly. I just have to work in walking Ollie first.
Priorities...

Oh, and I'm STILL waiting...

N x

Girl Date...

It's not what you think...I haven't changed teams.

I've met great peeps at the dog park and some, like me, are single. I was talking to a girl a few days ago, I think last weekend and she was asking me about NY and how I'm doing back here. I told her that not many of my friends are single and my social life has, well, pretty much sucked since I returned. She asked me whether I wanted to catch up for a drink this week and after thinking for about one second, I said YES.

She took my number and sent me a text a couple of days ago. We decided tonight would be a good night for a drink. So, before I went to meet her, I started thinking about it...it really WAS like a date. We'd only met once, for all of 45 minutes, so this was like a first date. What if we ran out of things to talk about? I know we're both girls, but I've had the same situation before...chatted with a girl online and when we met in person, it was extremely awkward. We had nothing to say!!!

It really IS the same as going on a first date with a guy, I even got not one, but 2 pimples today. The only difference was that there was no awkward "goodbye". I wasn't having to anticipate her wanting to kiss me and me doing the quick peck on the cheek thing.

We have another "date" on Sunday afternoon. I'm always open to embracing new friends, whether she'll e around for the long run, who cares. I'm happy I met her, we can have a fun summer together...

N x

Squirmy

I'm sitting in the waiting room of the fertility clinic waiting to have a blood test. They want to check my progesterone levels. It's cute watching the men who are here...waiting.

Some are cool about it and others are really uncomfortable. There are never many guys, and they're usually here for moral support, but I've been here when they have their own appointment. I can understand it would be a tad disconcerting walking into a room full of women who are trying to get pregnant, you're the only male and EVERYONE knows what you're there for!!!

N x

Anxious Two Weeks

The embryo transfer happened yesterday. The cells in neither egg divided, but my Doctor said that although there is only a slim chance of either forming, the chances were not nil and I have nothing to lose.

Now I have those couple of anxious weeks where I DO NOT want my period.

I deserve to fall pregnant and have a baby (or two)...this HAS to work.

N x

Damn It

This is why I'm not getting excited...

I just received a call from the Fertility Clinic telling me my eggs have not divided and the Doctor wants to wait an extra day. So my insemination for today has been canceled and moved to tomorrow morning.

Lucky for me, I'm able to change my schedule without any problems.

I'm staying nonchalant til I'm eight months pregnant...

N x

Owww

Follicles live in your ovaries and produce eggs. For every follicle there is an egg. They start as nothing (after you ovulate) and grow when you have a period. If they get to over 2cm, they are then known as a cyst, which is what I am prone to. This cycle, everything, so far, has gone to plan.

I got my hopes up so many times last year, only to have them trampled on, I'm not getting excited yet, and probably wont until I'm pregnant....REALLY pregnant.

Today I'm a bit sore. I left the house to walk Ollie this morning and was in pain. My ovaries are sore and I'm bloated...both symptoms I was told about, so I wasn't surprised. I'm at work today, taking it very easy and waiting for a call from the Clinic to let me know if and how many eggs were fertilized and what time to come in tomorrow to be inseminated.

A OK

My eggs have been harvested. I had five, which, I was told, is good. The procedure took all of 20 minutes but I was given anesthetic and went to sleep. I remember nothing.

Tomorrow, they will fertilize an egg and call me to let me know what time to come in on Friday...to be INSEMINATED.

I feel absolutely fine tonight. I even ate dinner. My Internet isn't working at the moment. I think whomever I've been borrowing it from, has twigged and put a block on it...
Tomorrow I will organize my own wireless internet service.

I didn't go to bed last night til long after 1am. I went with a couple of friends to see Inglourious Barsterds...which I thought was great. I'm a big Quentin fan. We went to a 9.15pm session and it's a two and a half hour film which didn't get out until midnight. What were we thinking!!!

Don't Eat

I must remember not to eat this morning. I'm a big fan of breakfast but my egg retrieval is at 2.00pm and I had to fast from 6.30...which was kind of annoying because I didn't wake up until nearly seven. Going to be hungry later!!!

I'm trying to fill the time prior to leaving for the Fertility Clinic, so I walked Ollie to Tamarama where we watched a pod of dolphins coming back down the coast...not too many places in the world that one can do that.

Next, I'm going to the osteopath, which should take me til noon, shower, get picked up and o can get this show on the road.

Sorry about any spelling errors, I'm trying to post for the first time from my iPhone. Let's see how I do...

N x

Early To Bed, Early To Rise

Finally some good news...my follicles have done what they were supposed to, this cycle, and actually grown. On Wednesday afternoon, my eggs are going to be retrieved, which means that I have to give myself a trigger shot...at 2AM. It has to be 36 hours prior to them removing my eggs.

I'm not excited yet, I suppose because of all the let downs last year. I am, though, crossing all my fingers, toes and both my eyes.

I can't go to bed yet because I've just eaten a huge cup of frozen yogurt and am SO not tired. This was NOT the best thing I've ever done. Also, the people above me are stomping around and I'd feel like the crazy tenant asking them to be quiet at 9.45pm, so being on a sugar high isn't such a terrible thing.

N x

TGIF

Yesterday, I went back to the Fertility Clinic for yet another ultrasound and blood test. Thank goodness the Clinic is close by and parking not a hassle, and it's free, because I'm becoming a regular.

I have four follicles in one ovary and three in the other.

"Not bad for 42" said the nurse.

I was given my antag shots that I now must take every evening with the Puregon. Not together, they're two separate injections, so I now double fist. The nurse told me she thinks it's easier to give myself the antag shot, which is called Orgalutran, in my thigh...not so much...I tried last night and nearly hit the ceiling. Both shots are going in my stomach.

I go back in the morning for more blood work and an ultrasound, and provided my body is doing what it should, I'll be given more drugs and hopefully next week, the Dr will harvest my eggs.

I'll get back to you tomorrow

N x

And Today..

The couch I ordered five weeks ago, that was promised to me two weeks ago, was finally delivered...it's gone back because the delivery men couldn't figure out how to get it around the corner of the hallway. I even asked one of my neighbors if he minded them going into his apartment to try to maneuver the sofa that way, but still no luck.

I've been SO looking forward to getting my couch and finally being able to entertain and be comfortable and was kind of upset, to say the least. The guys, one of whom was deathly afraid of Ollie, tried everything they could and even called the showroom manager to ask his opinion. They assured him they had tried everything... EVERYTHING.

Another delivery man called me this afternoon to let me know he was going to pick up said couch and re-deliver it tomorrow morning. Ummm, ok.

Something has been niggling at me all day. I couldn't understand why I would have bought a couch, a rather large couch at that, without thinking twice about it fitting into my apartment. It suddenly dawned on me after work, as I was opening my front door tonight. I DIDN'T order a one-piece three seater, it was supposed to come in two sections as a 2 and a one seater...DOH.

I called the company and explained the situation to the manager. Unfortunately, on the order I signed, the sales person had written 3 seater, but had explained it would be made the same as the floor model...in TWO SECTIONS. I also remembered one of the features being that the armrests are detachable, so the one seat can move to be a chair on it's own with the matching ottoman. Damn, I wish this was all so clear to me at 9.30am when I was having an anxiety attack!!!

Oh, and also, I dobbed on the delivery guys, who swore blind there was nothing more they could do...they never bothered to remove the armrests. This would have made a huge difference, but the Universe obviously didn't want me to have it...

N x

New Month, New Injections, No Date

I spend my months anxious to either get my period or anxious about getting it because I DON'T want it. This month I wanted it so I could start the next IVF cycle. I finally got it on Thursday...called the Fertility Clinic and went in on Friday morning for an ultrasound to check that the cyst had gone and a blood test to check my estrogen levels were down.

The cyst had gone and my levels are good to go and I was asked to come back on Saturday morning to pick up the drugs...an injection called Puregon - 200ml, once every evening. I'm doing an Antagonist cycle this month. I was told that this is a better way to go because neither Syneral nor Lucrin worked for me. An antag cycle is shorter than the normal IVF one...it starts on day three rather than day 22. This way my estrogen is already way down and they can monitor me better.

I'm on day three of the shots and getting headaches every night. I've been doing some research and everyone who has posted about Puregon has had these lovely headaches. They're not lasting long...a couple of hours, and if this is the worst thing to happen this week, it's not bad.

N x

Lunch Date

I bit the bullet and agreed to meet a guy. I ran into a family friend last week...

"I know I may be speaking out of turn, but my daughter has a friend who is single and I was wondering whether you would mind me giving him your number? He's a guy you probably remember from school."

I did remember him and wasn't crazy for him then, but hey, what the hell.

He called, we spoke, I had to keep asking him to repeat himself because I couldn't make out everything he was saying, but I put it down to cell phones. It was, instead, a red flag!!!

We arranged to meet for lunch the following day, being Saturday. I knew I'd be hungry as I'd already been to a yoga class and walked Ollie to the dog park, which is a couple of K's. I was at the restaurant first and was sitting at a table outside when he arrived. It was another one of those meetings when I just know it's going to be yawning boring but hope I'm wrong...unfortunately, I wasn't.

He asked me about my time in The States and how I was liking being back. I STILL had to have him repeat himself because he mumbled. It was VERY aggravating. I tried to pretend I knew what he was saying, but this didn't work. I answered what I thought he'd asked me, but he kind of had a puzzled look...oops...

When I asked him questions about stuff in his life, he seemed to not want to answer. He's not shady, I think more that not much happens in his world. I'm not being mean, am I? This is the impression he gave me.

We ordered, we ate, he mumbled, I strained to understand him, I ordered a bloody Mary thinking it would help, it did, but not to make out what he was saying. It was boring. Thankfully the food was delish and no one I knew walked by.

NEXT...

Reasons I Need Someone To Live With...

1. I was late this afternoon to meet my girlfriend for lunch because I couldn't do up my bracelet.

2. Ollie never tells me whether I look good. Nor would he tell me if my butt looks fat in a pair of pants. This is why I need to have a hand mirror so I can see behind me. I would never go out in public without knowing what the people behind me can see.

3. Then there's the dress that ties at the back. Not at the back of waist, but in between my shoulder blades. Can't tie it. Can't wear it.

4. I have a fab pair of tall boots that I can't wear because they pull on easily, but I've nearly dislocated my knees getting out of them alone. When I wear them I shouldn't BE going home alone. Maybe I AM too picky.

My Bad

My estrogen levels weren't at a thousand and something...they're at TWO thousand. I had yet another blood test this morning and was supposed to call the clinic between 2.00 and 3.00, but one of the nurses called me at noon to let me know and see whether I could come in this afternoon for them to give me a trigger shot...of Ovidrel. I had lunch with a girlfriend and went after. The shot should, and I repeat SHOULD even out my estrogen. I can start again after my next period.

My social life, since I've returned has been kind of boring. I've been catching up with friends, but don't have many single friends who can hang out with me at night. Sydney is SO small and the dating scene is pretty slim pickings. This is not just me saying this, I've been taking a secret survey and from what I've been hearing, there just aren't many single men here. Internet dating here is nothing like in the States. There you're anonymous, in Sydney there's always six degrees of separation.

I've had a couple of friends tell me they have a guy in mind for me and can they give him my number.
Sure, why not.
So far, though, I'm still waiting for the calls.

Maybe I'll meet someone on Sunday. There are going to be at least 100,000 people in Bondi for the City to Surf by the afternoon. Maybe my Prince will be one of them!!!

This is Getting Silly

Last week, the Doctor assured me that Lucrin would definitely make my cycle suppress. This is NOT the case, in my case. My estrogen level should be at 150, but it's at a thousand and something. This means my body is doing everything as if I wasn't on any drugs....ie, ovulating and I will probably get my period next week.

The nurses at the clinic think I have either a cyst or a fibroid. I know I'm prone to both/either, so I'm not shocked, just disappointed that I STILL can't start.

I've gone off all meds and am going back for a blood test tomorrow...

Pahlease..

I don't understand why pregnant women feel the need to fucking complain about how big their boobs are, or how none of their clothes fit.

Of course they don't fit, YOU'RE GROWING A HUMAN inside you.

Do these women not stop to think that
a) they are incredibly fortunate to BE pregnant and
b) there are other women, myself included, who would give almost anything to have huge boobs and no clothes and whom may be on the receiving end of the "boo hoo poor me" blah blah and wanting to tell the bitch to SHUT THE FUCK UP, but have more manners. Plus strangling a pregnant woman in public just isn't socially accepted.

My pledge to all...

I will not complain. I will, however, tell you what's happening and how I'm feeling, please don't confuse this for whining.

moving right along..

The Syneral didn't work. My estrogen went up this month instead of down...so the Dr has put me on Lucrin, which is an injection that I have to give myself once a day. The Dr assured me, this would work. I go back to the clinic for another blood test on Wednesday when, hopefully, I'll be able to start on the real IVF drugs...the ones that make my hormones go haywire...the things we do.

News to Me

This is what I was told yesterday...typing on a BlackBerry/iPhone/other mobile device in public the same as picking your nose.

"Public" being in front of ANYONE.

and so it begins...

This morning I had a blood test to check that I had ovulated this month. I called at 2.15, when they told me they would have the results, and I had (ovulated), so I got to start my IVF drugs tonight.

I start with Synarel, which is in the form of a nasal spray. It's taken twice a day, exactly 12 hours apart, AT THE SAME TIME everyday. So, I decided that 7.30 would be optimal. I usually don't leave to take Ollie for a walk until just after 7.30am and I'm home at 7.30pm. If I'm going out, it's not normally til a bit later and I can always take it with me.

What Synarel does is it helps in decreasing the amount of oestrogen the ovaries produce. Which makes it easier for the Doctor to "take over" and control when to stimulate the ovaries to produce eggs.

The only side effect I can really find that women have complained about, is a headache for the first couple of months. I can (probably) deal with that.

I go back to the clinic on the 15th and will then add injectibles to my list...

This week I started working part time at Lululemon in Sydney. I really like the company and the way it's run and the friends I made when I worked at the store in CT, are some of the peeps I really miss. It's lovely though, I get emails from them regularly and feel as though I'm still a part of their team.
Please COME AND VISIT ME.

Nicky is happy...

The Universe heard me...the full moon helped and I got my period.
Now I wait twenty one days to have my first ultra sound and blood test to make sure I ovulated and I can begin the drug taking...

I want it, I don't want it...

Either I'm waiting FOR my period, or I'm hoping I DON'T get it. I haven't had it since before the polyp surgery, but the Dr told me this would happen...it throws your cycle. Now, however, I have no idea when my period is even due. Well, it should be in the next week (or two)...hoping the full moon will help.

I chose a new donor. The pool is WAY smaller than when I was living in the US. Australia has laws that are in favor of the child being able to locate the birth father when he/she turns 18. Hence the reason there are only about two donors on the registry in Australia. The donors in the States are at University. They use the money to buy a car, or just live on it and, unless they elect to, can go off and live their lives and never have to think there will be a knock at the door or a phone call eighteen years later.

The clinic I'm going to is Fertility East, they're they only ones here who have a contract with one of the sperm banks in the USA and are allowed to bring the vials into Australia, which is HUGE. Everyone at the Fertility East offices are lovely and I have a really good feeling about having IVF through them...unlike the shonky Dr in Greenwich, who didn't see, or didn't bother telling me about the cervical polyp that would have hindered any pregnancies.

The costs associated are not cheap, but anyone who has got to this point is aware of this. Thank goodness for Medicare and private health insurance in Australia. Medicare picks up a large chunk of the expense and HCF (which is what I have), will cover a bit more...whereas in the US, NONE, I repeat NONE of the out of pocket is covered if you are over the age of forty, which is commonly the time most women really need fertility treatment. Go figure.

The largest expense, so far, that is not covered is the donor sperm, so if you have a partner, or someone local willing to be your baby daddy, it's not an issue. I do not, so the clinic recommended buying 2 vials, which cost $2600 and change to bring in. Half of which was the vials and the other $1300 was administration expenses.

C'mon period, so I can move forward and start this already....

Nicky is looking forward to tomorrow

This is how my brain thinks right now...FaceBook style.

My first appointment is with the Fertility Clinic for IVF orientation and choosing my baby daddy, but I did the latter a couple of weeks ago.

Next it's across the street the see the Dr for a follow up on my surgery and he'll tell me I can start when I get my period, which was due last week, but I think my cycle was messed up because of the polyp removal.

Then, the one I'm really looking forward to...laser hair removal. I've been waiting years, years, I tell ya, to not have to wax any longer. I had it done for the first time five weeks ago and not much has grown back. I'm stoked. The only thing that could make this better, would be to be pregnant and hairless...and have a car (shopping around this week), a job (still not sure what I want to do when I grow up) and a big girl house (my stuff arrives at the end of June).

I'm home...

A bit fragile from the anesthetic, but I'm fine. They took me in for surgery at 8.30am and I was home before noon!!!

I'll post more tomorrow...need to sleep, but wanted to let you all know I'm ok.

N x

Another Spanner

Last week, the Dr found a polyp in my cervix. I was there signing the forms for IVF, he was telling me how all my test results had come back fine, the ones that were supposed to be positive, were and the ones that were supposed to be negative were also. He was happy with everything and said he just wanted to do an ultrasound, so that he'd done everything by the book.

Well, the second he looked, he saw it...A POLYP. I'm not a fan of the word, to me it's like "moist", which is a word I never use and don't even like to hear!!! The Doctor told me it's probably been there for a while and it must be removed before I start IVF as it could hinder my getting pregnant.

Ummm, how long HAS it been there?
Why didn't the fertility Dr in the US tell me about it...EVER, not once? How did he not see it?
Is THIS the reason IUI didn't work?
GRRRRRRR

My nice doctor now, told me the surgery is quick and he will do it as soon as possible. The fact he only operates every second Friday, meant that tomorrow is the day. It's an "in in the morning, out by noonish, surgery" So, I will be up rather early to walk Ollie and be at the hospital at 6.45am.

I'll check back tomorrow afternoon...

MD 2009

First off....Happy Mother's Day to all the Moms/Mums.

We had a lovely morning. The family came to my parents for brunch...excluding my Dad, who is golfing in Palm Springs in 104 degree heat and one of my brothers, who decided on Friday to go away for the weekend.

Then I did a much needed yoga class.

Ollie is settling in and had a bonding morning with his "cousin", Harry.
I'm sure it's not easy being put into a crate one day and ending up in a totally new environment. While everyone speaks the language he knows, the smells must be different, there are new animals he's never seen before, the temperature and light are more intense (lack of ozone) and there's the car thing...where he keeps sitting in the driver's seat and is confused when I make him move over!!!

Tomorrow, it's off to see the nurse at the Fertility Clinic to sign the donor consent forms so I can start looking at new Baby Daddies and I need to pad out my resume so I can get a job, which will lead to a car and a place of my own to live when my belongings arrive in six weeks.

Ollie's Home...

I got my doggie back today....sprung him from quarantine after 30 days.

Ollie's SO happy to be home and back with me and didn't let me out of his sight today at all. Right now, I'm in bed, he's lying next to me, "holding" on to my feet and dreaming about running. No more living in a concrete run and sleeping on a jail cot...only Frette sheets and lots of treats and cuddles for him from now on.

I will say, quarantine does a GREAT job and I never once felt anxious about the way he was treated. It's clean and the staff are more than helpful. If anyone is questioning whether they should bring a dog or cat into Australia from overseas, I say don't let this stop you.

I'd Rather Have My Hair Dyed

I had my HSG yesterday. It took the Dr three attempts to fill my uterus with dye...yeah, you can scrunch your nose up, but try being the recipient!!!

The Doctor is lovely, extremely personable and puts me (and, I'm sure, all his patients) at ease. The whole procedure took all of 5 minutes and was painful for about one of them.

I have no blockages, which is great. I did have cramping last night and this morning. It wasn't unbearable, and didn't last long - a couple of minutes, that felt longer when I was in pain - and now it's over 24 hours since I had the HSG and the cramps are completely gone.

While this was very quick and going to the hairdresser is no less than a couple of hours, I still think I'd rather have my hair dyed than my uterus...

Therapy

Yesterday, I had my counseling session. It wasn't as bad as I'd anticipated, nor was it as long as when I went in Connecticut.

At the therapist in the US, I had to take a personality profile, multiple choice test, that took me no less than two hours and asked what I thought were the most inane questions. Here, the session took 45 minutes and she actually stayed in the room and talked to me!!!

After the initial "who are you" questions, she asked about

my family - they're all very supportive

my friends - ditto

how long will I do IVF for (how many times) - not sure...and won't know until I reach the point where I say "uncle"

would I consider donor eggs - yup, if IVF isn't working with my own eggs, sure...I just want to be pregnant

She didn't really like that I hadn't thought through how many IVF procedures I'm prepared to have. I REALLY DON'T KNOW. I don't want to have to think about having to give up. This is going to work...

Back on the Pregnancy Bandwagon

I've spent to past three weeks acclimating into Sydney life. I've had to keep reminding myself that I'm here to stay and not on vacation. I'm usually here for two weeks (maybe three) and spend them juggling everyone and everything in...trying to see my friends more than once, making sure I see my family enough and fitting in the appointments -

dentist...I've had the same one since I had my baby teeth, why give him up!!! Also, health insurance in the US charges an arm and a leg, but funnily enough, no teeth, for dental coverage.

osteopath...Love my osteo in Sydney...never gonna give him up. My appointment is usually the day I arrive. I've turned up not being able to stand straight because my back or my hips have been out, and he puts me back together.

gynecologist...pap smears are yearly and I was coming back once a year, so why bother with a newbie. Although, in the past year, with all the insemination stuff, I've had to find an obgyn. Then I gave him up and came back...

hairdresser...one of my bffs has a salon, and I love the way she cuts and colors and she's been doing my hair since she was an apprentice. We had a couple of scary moments back then, but thankfully, hair grows back and that was a LONG time ago.

I've seen the fertility Dr here and have an appointment on Thursday for a Hysterosalpingogram (known as HSG in the future) and on Tuesday, I have to have counseling for IVF and donor sperm. Remember I had it when I first started the process in CT, but I have to have it again here, just like I had to have all the blood tests again. Not sure why nothing can be transferred from one English speaking country to another, but I'm going with the flow.

I'm off to yoga shortly. It's something I'm used to doing almost daily and have yet to find a studio here that offers a class and teacher I like every day. Not bitching, just pointing out a fact...

Haha...Not

I was due to get on a plane at 7pm (with Ollie) on April 1st. I had a girlfriend driving from Connecticut to NY to drive Ollie to quarantine and me to the airport...

At 10am my cell rang...it was Marty, the guy from freight who was organizing Ollie through the quarantine process.
"Hi Nicky, I have bad news"
"Hi Marty, what, the flight's been canceled?"
"Yes, actually."
"Haha, funny April fool's joke"
"I'm SERIOUS. I'm surprised the airline hasn't called you yet, but you can call them to verify it."

Shit, shit, shit. I went into panic mode. More than anything, I HAD to get Ollie on a flight because the timing for his tests would expire on the Saturday and we would have to go through the whole rigmarole again. I spent the entire day on the phone with the airline. They had put me on a domestic flight to LAX to join up with the original flight, but I couldn't make it work with Ollie. We (being Qantas freight and myself) found out quarantine in Sydney doesn't pick up from the airport on a weekend, so I was really down to the wire.

Finally after 12 hours on my cell phone (great for the brain), Ollie was on a flight, but without me.
I then made it my mission the following day, to sort it out. This was way too stressful and taking up WAY too much of my time when, really, I should have been having fun. I let it go for a few hours and met a couple of friends. We went to see a new Indy film called Enlighten Up .

It was great hanging out with them and the movie was fun and light. Something I needed. I left them and started on the phone calls again. After completely losing it with a supervisor from AA, I took a breath and took Ollie for a walk. What was I doing? I know not to fight the Universe. I'm obviously not meant to be on the next flight, so I let it go. I made arrangements to borrow a car so I could take Ollie to the airport and I made plans for myself for the next few days.

Right before I went to bed that night, I checked one more time with the airline and funnily enough, I was on the next day's flight. I was mildly disappointed because I'd finally given in and had fabby plans with friends and wouldn't have to worry about coming home to walk Ollie.

Oh well, I'd been given a couple of extra days, but hadn't used them wisely, so now I had to leave.

moving

THIS IS THE THIRD TIME I'VE TRIED TO FINISH AND POST THIS!!! I've been staying with friends and my drafts aren't saving properly....

I know I was supposed to be telling you all about packing up and saying my good byes, but this month has gone SO fast, I've not had time to. As soon as I told my friends I was leaving, I became Miss Popular and have been out almost every night...which is VERY unlike me...really, I'm not being facetious.

My friends from work threw me a farewell party and I'm going to miss each and every one of them immensely, along with all my other friends I've made over the past TEN years. Funnily enough, all my guy friends suddenly "needed" to see me. Funny how when you're suddenly not going to be on the same side of the world, let alone in the same state, people realize how much they'll miss you (well, me, actually).

This past week I finished working, sorted out stuff that I wasn't taking with me and had friends over to sell and give away most of it, organized stuff I was taking, had Ollie's final quarantine/vet appointment, found movers and organized for my car lease to be assumed. Actually, the later was done a couple of weeks ago, but it was supposed to be picked up on Friday, the same day as the movers were coming.

Friday rolled around and the movers arrived. They were also packing everything...I'm NOT a good packer and would rather hand the job to someone who is. The Mini was being picked up between 9.00am and noon. At noon I received a phone call from the trucking company...
Hi, the driver is running late
Ok, how late, what time will he be here?
TWO DAYS...he'll pick up the car on Monday
Ummm, NO...I wont be here...this is unacceptable.
Sorry, I was just informed. Can you leave the key somewhere?
Not really, but I suppose I will have to figure something out.

I'd already taken the plates off, so I couldn't go anywhere. I knew I had to come back up on Monday to take Ollie to the vet, so I locked it up and took the key. My apartment was packed up by 3.00pm and all I had to do was wait for my girl friend to finish work to drive Ollie and me into the city to stay with a friend on the UWS.

The weekend was fun...said good bye to friends and did some shopping.

And waited for April 1st, which was leaving day...

March 4th

Today is Ollie's ninth Birthday. This is how the day was supposed to pan out for him

park,
breakfast
vet
beach, which would have been fun...it was low tide at noon
nap, which is always welcomed
dinner, another welcomed event
frozen turkey neck...b'day treat

This is what happened

Park, where he didn't want to be this morning. The snow is too wet and balls up between the pads in his feet. He is not a happy camper after a snow storm.
Breakfast, which he didn't want to eat after the park that he didn't want to be in.
Vet, where he didn't ask to be taken. He had to have his final blood tests and he is still there because they called me to suggest I leave him there longer so he could have his teeth cleaned. I agreed. This is about the time Ollie's hating me.
Got the quote
Missed the beach, because by the time he's done at the vet, the tide will be up and you can't have the dogs there unless the tide is low. Also, I was meeting a friend there with her dog and it wouldn't have been the same to go down without mine...
So now, I'm presuming I'll pick him up in a couple of hours and he'll be drowsy from the anesthetic, BUT he will have beautiful shiny teeth.
I think I'll save the turkey neck treat for tomorrow. On second thought, I think I might just move his birthday to tomorrow. If no one says anything, he'll never know.

Shhhh

Other than that, I think someone has been approved to assume the lease on my car. I used this website. It's awesome...you can get practically any car, especially in this market. My car had been posted for maybe 12 hours before I had an interested party contact me. As I don't have the luxury of time, I took the first offer and now just have to wait for the paperwork to go through.
This is a HUGE load off my mind.

I'm fighting a chest infection, which I AM going to win. This is not going to turn into bronchitis. I have too much to do thins month to get sick....this includes lots of good bye drinks and dinners, which are all bitter sweet.

Now, I'm going back to looking through my clothes. Pulling the ones I'm never going to wear again and packing the lucky ones that will be moving with me.

Later....

I'm Thinking Snow Day

In the ten years I've been in the States, this winter has been the coldest and with the most snow. I suppose, being my last one, I shouldn't complain.

We woke up this morning...we, being Ollie and me...to a foot (30.5 cm for those of you who are metric) of snow outside my front door and they're saying at least another 4 inches before it stops later this afternoon.

Ollie's not a fan of SO much snow because it gets stuck in his feet and he can't walk, but he looks cute, and that's what matters!

Not sure I'm going anywhere in my car today!

Here I am...

I've been SO boring the past few weeks, I had nothing fun to blog about.

Things that have happened since the last time we met...

* A woman gave birth to octuplets. Adding to her already large family of six kids...now it's WAY too big. I have no doubt you're all up to date on this story. A lot of the media outlets here won't cover her any longer. It's sad for all the children, and the mother is incredibly selfish. She will never be "Jon and Kate Plus Eight" material.

* I stopped all insemination procedures. The next step is IVF and here in the US it isn't covered by my private health insurance (even though I pay $500/month!).

* We are in the beginning stages of the biggest snow storm of the season. When I wake up, there will be about a foot of snow on the ground and it's going to keep snowing all day Monday.

* I've decided to move back to Sydney. I started contemplating it when I was there in Sept/Oct last year and booked my ticket last week. I leave the first week of April and have an appointment with a Fertility Dr the week after I return.
March is going to fly by. After being here for ten years, I have SO much to organize.
- I have to find a moving company that I like...
- Ollie has to have his final blood tests next week. This after having the first ones in October. The quarantine process to bring animals into Australia is extremely stringent. I've spoken to the freight man at JFK who had to book him on the flight and has to approve all the paperwork.
- I need to find someone with good credit to assume the lease on my car. I'm going to be sad to give it up. I love my car, but it IS just a car and someone in my family has the same one, so hopefully I'll be able to borrow it now and again (was that subtle enough???)
- Anything I own that plugs into a wall has to be sold. Also my grill, bike, espresso machine, couch and a couple of other things. An email went out to everyone letting them know, although a couple of friends have dibs on some pieces. Craigslist, you're all thinking...and I hear you, but I really don't want strangers coming over when I'm here alone.
- The girls at work have been very supportive and most are sad I'm leaving...but they'll have a reason to visit Australia now! I've finally found a great group of girls, most of whom are my age and I love going to work every day, but I need to go back to my roots...my family and friends. I know it's the right thing to do.

It's funny how when I've told people I'm going, they suddenly HAVE to see me, especially guys. One of them told me a couple of weeks ago, when we were out that although he doesn't see me often, now I'm not living in the City, it's nice to know I'm not that far...and still in the same country!!! Another is now single and is finally ready to be with me. I told him he has horrible timing and I'm not not leaving because of this. He understands and I'll see whether he does what he said he will do...I'll let you know what it is, if he does.
There are a couple of other wrenches that have been thrown at me to see whether I'd change my mind, but I'm not. My ticket is booked, I need to get pregnant...I'm leaving.

I'm back to blogging and will keep you up to date with the moving and farewelling drinks and dinners.

N x

Cleanse

Last week I did a three day detox juice cleanse with most of the girls I work with. It was awesome, and addictive!!! We did it through a raw food cafe in Rye, NY.

Coconut water, a green juice, electrolight lemonade, a blended soup, a green salad and an almond milk...but I don't eat nuts, so my milk was substituted for another green juice. I wasn't hungry at all and other than the caffeine headache, I loved it. We all did, one of the girls even lost 7lbs.

The girls who didn't do it first time around, are doing it this week and some of the girls who DID do it, are doing it again. It really is addictive. I feel SO great and would love to do another 3 days...and I think I might after my Birthday, next week.

Happy New Year

2008 ended (thankfully) with neither pomp nor circumstance. It's last few weeks were actually rather uneventful....

No pregnancy
A couple of dates I'd rather forget
Lots of work
Fun Holiday drinks/dinners with friends
and a Ponzi Scheme

2009 began with a thump....literally....I drove over a pot hole on my way home last night and, consequently, have a flat tire.

I met friends for New Year's Eve dinner in NY, then a party in Jersey. I had planned on staying at my ex husband's seeing as he's away and I could take Ollie with me. I'd driven in during the snow storm in the afternoon, got Ollie settled and got myself spruced up for some fun and frivolity. I must say, I'm not a huge fan of NYE, especially in NYC....it turns into amateur hour, but I had friends in from out of town, and would have gone anywhere to spend time with them.

I got back to the apartment and felt weird staying there, so I packed up my stuff and Ollie and I drove home at 2am. I'm usually good at spotting pot holes, before I drive over them, but this one just appeared out of nowhere!!! As soon as I'd run over it, I knew, but it took a while for the tire pressure light to come on and by that time, I was, thankfully, just about home. It was about 10 degrees F and I was NOT going to get out and walk, so I limped the car home.

I've organized for it to be towed to the dealership in the morning, but today, I'm stuck at home. Thank goodness I have homemade soup in the freezer.

May 2009 be a wonderful, healthy and prosperous year for everyone...